Kyle was spending the night at Trevor's house. Not in a gay way. Don't ask Kyle if it was in a gay way, he'll get mad. It was 2am and they were busy playing TF2 together in Trevor's basement; the windows were opened just a crack and the fan was blowing but it didn't really do much to make the room any less hot. Basements aren't supposed to be hot, but that's just the kinda world we live in. Kyle was top fragging as Scout; he insisted that Scout was the only class that required skill to be good at. Trevor was bottom scoring as Pyro because he was not good at games that didn't involve removing clothes from girls. But Trevor was having a good time regardless.
"Man you kinda suck" Kyle said.
"I just like running into shit, dude."
"Yeah but we're losing. I can't be the only not-shit player on our team."
"Then just be better to make up for my dead weight"
"Fuck you"
"And then what?" Trevor said with a smirk.
"God, shut up you fucking homo!"
"I'm not a homo, dude! God, you always take that joke so seriously. Why do you get so triggered at that joke, huh? Are you hiding something? Do you want to tell me something?" Trevor laughed.
"Oh, so now the one who's never even asked a girl out before wants to call me gay?"
"Well at least I know what 'lesbian' means, dumbass."
Kyle looked up from his shitty laptop and glared at Trevor, who was giving him the usual Trevor look. Except no one really knows what the usual Trevor look is because his hair is too floofy and covers his face. But it's probably a smug-ass smile.
"Are you butthurt? Are you anally annihilated? Colon crucified, perhaps?" Trevor asked. "Fucking lol."
With this, Kyle began to thrash his teeth while making rabid animal noises. Trevor began laughing, until Kyle lunged at him like a beast and started wrestling him to the ground. But Kyle couldn't keep up the rabid animal act for long, because both Kyle and Trevor just fucking lost it and began laughing their asses off. Kyle held his sides as he rolled off of Trevor; tears were flowing down both of their faces. They continued lmaoing until they realized they lost the match.
"Oh shit dude, we fucking lost." Trevor said.
"Yeah, it's because you were shit."
"No it's because you went fucking gorilla mode."
Kyle began losing his shit again; the concept of "gorilla mode" was the funniest shit ever to him. "Oh shit... Oh God my sides..." He gasped, and them yawned immediately after.
"You getting tired man?" Trevor asked.
"Kinda yeah dude. Think I'm gonna head to bed."
"Shit me too man. See ya tomorrow."
"Yeah, you too man. I'll get the lights."
Kyle switched off the lights and fell on the couch, Trevor was sleeping on the floor with some stained pillows. Sweet dreams, guys.
But only 30 minutes of their sweet dreams had passed until they were awoken by the sounds of a lower mammal going gorilla mode.
"OH GOD DAMNIT!!" Trevor hissed as he got up off the floor. Through the darkness, Trevor saw his shitty ass cat hissing at something outside the slider door.
"What is it dude?" Kyle asked.
"Stupid fucking cat is freaked out at something. Fucking bitch, I was having a great dream, too. Yoko Littner was giving me head..." Trevor said as he switched on the lights. Trevor's shitty ass cat was seriously tweaking; the boys looked out the slider door and saw another cat outside, also going gorilla mode.
Trevor sighed. "I'll go scare this bitch off with some... uh... hold on a second, gonna grab my katana." He ran upstairs and returned a second later with his prop katana. "Show you who's the boss of this gym..."
"Wait dude! That motherfucker's got a collar! Someone's lost their cat!" Kyle said.
Trevor squinted. "Shit, you're right. He does look a little familar too..."
"Here, I'll get a hold of him and read his collar."
"Dude what if he's got cat rabies?"
"I'll be alright dude, I gotta know how to deal with this shit when I'm in the army." Kyle said. I can't imagine knowing how to deal with unknown cats ever being taught in boot camp, but whatever I guess. Kyle just wanted to look cool.
As Kyle reached for the sliding door handle, Trevor pulled him back.
"God what is it now, dumbass? I know how to do this shit. Oh, wait, we probably should move your cat out of the way first."
"Well yeah, but that's not what I'm saying. That's Josh's cat!" Trevor said. "Or at least, I'm pretty sure."
"Oh god fucking damnit..." Kyle groaned. Josh. Ugh. Josh was this kid who Kyle and Trevor used to be friends with, until he turned into a massive douchebag who thought he was hot shit because he ran an Instagram meme account. "I'll check the collar anyways just to make sure," Kyle stepped outside to take a peek while Trevor held his cat back. He stepped back inside cringing. "It's Josh's fucking cat. The address is on the collar."
Trevor gave a disgusting grin. "Well in that case, a cat is fine too..." he giggled.
"We're not gonna fuck the fucking cat you fucking furry!! What's your fucking malfunction?"
"Dude I was joking! God, you really do get triggered easily."
Kyle exhaled sharply. "Whatever. Let's just get the fucking cat back, because as much as I hate Josh, his mom is cool. I'd feel bad if she was missing her cat."
"But that'd mean we'd have to go to Josh's house."
"He's probably still awake, jerking off to his stupid camwhores."
"That's not the problem; I don't want to see Josh."
"Neither do I, but we can't just leave this cat out here. Now how are we gonna get this stupid fuck to another stupid fuck's house?"
"We have a cat carrier in one of these closets... I just don't know how we'd get him inside." Trevor sighed as he began looking for the carrier.
"Carefully, dude. We'll put your cat upstairs first, then like, lure Josh's into the carrier with something."
I'm not going to bother describing the boys putting Trevor's cat upstairs because who the hell cares. The cat was upstairs now, and they returned downstairs with some ham slices.
"Alright dude, open the slider and start waving the ham in front of him. If shit goes south I'll be behind him to shove him in." Kyle said.
Trevor opened the carrier and began placing ham bits around the entrance. He then opened the slider, and began waving the ham around. Luckily for the boys, Josh's cat was fucking stupid. How else would he have gotten lost? Josh's cat fell for the bait and was now in the cat carrier. When Trevor closed the carrier door, Josh's cat began yowling his ass off. "Maybe next time don't get lost, you dipshit," Trevor muttered. "Wait, holy shit, I have an idea to fuck with Josh."
"What is it, man?"
"We'll tell Josh we found our cats together having gay cat sex. Wait, my cat's fixed... We'll tell him that the cats were like, really really close with each other even though they just met. Grooming each other and shit. Josh will think his cat's gay, it'll be fucking hilarious dude!" Trevor explained.
"Dude, that's fucking genius! It'll never leave his head!" Kyle laughed. With that, the boys set out.
Josh's house was only the next street over from Trevor's, so the boys figured they might as well walk. Trevor would get stressed driving with a yowling cat in the back. Nothing eventful happened on the way there, some banter here and there, some intense yowling, the usual. They made it to Josh's house not long after they left, where they saw Josh's bedroom light was on.
"Shit, who wants to knock?" Kyle asked.
"Not me."
"Neither do I, dumbass."
"I'll do it just to get it over with. I don't wanna spend any more time in Josh's presence than necessary," Trevor said as he walked up to the door. Knocking on someone's door at 3am maybe wasn't the best idea, but that's just the kind of world we live in. Trevor knocked while Kyle shifted the cat carrier in his arms.
They waited for a good 3 minutes. "Well, looks like he's not gonna answer. Let's go home." Trevor said. As he turned to leave, the door opened.
Ugh, it's Josh. He was wearing one of those flamin hot cheetos hoodies made out of the shitty cheap material, a pair of clout goggles, oversized basketball shorts, and a gaming headset around his neck. In his hand was a Nerf gun.
"Oh, it's you two." Josh said as he lowered his Nerf gun. His voice had a tinge of smugness in it. Disgustingly subtle, he knew what he was doing. The perfect amount of shit-talk embedded within; Kyle and Trevor obviously noticed it, but if they spoke up about it Josh could easily backpedal and say they were imagining things. Fucking bitch.
"Your stupid fucking cat got lost," Trevor said dryly. "We found him outside with my cat, they were grooming each other."
"Yeah, they were like, weirdly close. Like they were boyfriends or something." Kyle added.
Josh looked at the cat carrier where his cat was yowling. "I was actually in the middle of a Discord call. With Nate, Mason, Lucas... and Avery." Josh said with the usual smugness. Kyle and Trevor were friends with Nate and Mason, they thought Lucas was an annoying stoner, and Avery was this girl who always hung around with Josh's posse. They couldn't imagine how rancid that call must be.
"Cool, here's your gay cat." Kyle said as he unlocked the carrier. Josh's stupid fucking cat dashed into the living room.
Josh stifled a laugh. "Yeah, thanks." He said, with the disgustingly subtle smugness. "See you guys later."
The door closed, and the boys began walking home.
"That fucking bastard was making fun of us, wasn't he?" Kyle started.
"I don't know and I don't fucking care. He's probably too busy thinking about his shitty stolen meme Insta to have the brain power to make fun of us."
"Fuck that guy. Thinks he's such hot shit because he goes on iFunny."
"Yeah, fuck him. At least we fucking pwn'd him with the gay cat thing."
The boys were silent the rest of the walk home, goddamn were they tired. They made it back to Trevor's house, where they zonked tf out when they came back to the basement. Sweet dreams, guys.