ive been in universty for like, a month now huh. there have been elton john moments, but that is to be expected and so im really not worried about it. there have also been other elton john moments, there have been good times. i guess the reason why im writing this on auau.html or whatever the fuck this page is called instead of the homepage is because i have lots of words and they wouldnt really fit on the homepage. anyway, uhhhhhhhhhhhhh RIGHT im learnig java, so maybe one day i will makea danmakufu game now that i have some experience with real coding instead of just html and terminal commands. and i hardly know any terminal commands anyway :/ im also taking calc 3 which i enjoy, vectros n shit right now its pretty simplew. AHHHHHHHHHH maybe ill start doing baby rudin too... im just very not used to set theory shit so when rudins all like "imagine a set and antiderivatives are part of this set and..." im a little confused. if i ever do a baby rudin thing i'll call it "hole in my face" becasue there are still holes in my face here. im majoring in computer engineering idk if i ever said that before. i like computers and system administration and operaing systems
but thats not why m writing this; i have dilemmas. i talk to people here, i have friends, i do things, i understand my classes, i think im well adjusted. i miss my kitty cats sosososososos much though. so much. i miss them so much i miss my kitties. but thats also not why im writing this.
i think i made a mistake going to engineering school. yes, i like computers and shit but thats not where my passions lie!!!!! if they were, i would be doing computer shit in my spare time because im so passsionate about computers!!! but im not!!!!!!!! what am i doing in my free time?!?!?!??! IM DREAMING OF ART!!!!!!!! oh but not just art, textile arts!!!!! oh god i need to be doing fashion!!!! thats where my passions are!!!!!!!!!11!!!one!!!!11!!!one1! dear GOD I NEED TO BE DESIGNING CLOTHES AND MAKING CLOTHES AND DOING ALL THAT GLAMOROUS SHIT!!!!!!! COSTUME DESIGN!!!!!!!! MAKING PRETTY DRESSES!!!!!!!!!!!! in my spare time im drawing outfits and dresses and ensembles and i dream of the glamour and drama and flamboyance and beauty of it all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and so it seems like i am stuck in a tragic situation where i am forced at gunpoint to become a codemonkey wageslave doing sysadmin for companies that manufacture weapons for the military and i want to kill myself and i have lost all my dreams!!!!!!!!! but that is not so!! because for once in my goddamn life i have taken initiative instead of just letting all the opprotunities go by because im too scared to take initiative. i have a goddamn plan. so i realized my dreams are not in engineering and i made an appointment with a counselor, and i told her my dilemma, and she helped me make a plan.
THE ZERO CLAM REQUIEM. i am going to spend a year at engineering school just to get it under my belt; i would feel weird transferring so early in the year. meanwhile, i will work in the theater's costuming department to build experience and expand my portfolio. meanwhile, i will reseaarch schools that have fashion and desgin programs. this step is already done. i found that ***** has an excellent program that integrates fashion design with theater costuming which is pretty much exactly what i was lookng for. applications are due in february, plenty of time to expand portfolio. i will fnish a year here, go home for the summer, then transfer to ******, which is also much closer to home. i've contacted the costume department for opprotunites there, they emailed me back saying to email someone so i will do that
i called my beloved to explain my plan, he was very supportive and glad i was taking initiative; i am also glad im taking initiative. i eexpained i was nervous to tell my ma n dad bcuz oh god what if they dont like it?!?!?!? he reassured me, i reassured myself. i call my ma and explain and shes supportive. the clam requiem is working.
thats all i have to say today, that also kind of explains my recent absence from neocities (also bcuz of tw*tter users shitting things up but who give a shit theyll move on to the next trend). i was so busy worrying about my dreams and then making a plan to reach them that i froget to update here ;_; gomen ;_; but anyway thats whats happening and i feel confident and happy and not nervous!!!!!!!!! i also told my friends here my plan and they think im insane but who give a shit