president pro tempore of the senate

the original page got too long so here's all entries from 2021. entries are newer as you go down.


i havent been playing clannad recently, but whenever i do i always end up crying even though im not even that far into the game because every scene with nagisa is like this:

nagisa: sometimes i get so lonely and sad okazaki.... but whenever im with you im always laughing and happy! im so glad that we're friends okazaki!!

and i'll just fucking burst into treats

i get nervous playing clannad because of how often choices come up and im scared ill choose the wrong one and get a bad end...... are there bad endings in clannad?? idk. and its so fucking long


i have a calc test 2 morrow and i know im gona do shit. integration is fuckin hard man. i wasnt able to pick up the packet we use for the unit until like, halfway through.......... im gonna do fucking bad ;_;

i think whats worse than that though is that i have a fucking PLAYING QUIZ IN ORCHESTRA GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!!! i can get playing tests to like.... assign chairs n shit but A FUCKING PLAYING QUIZ???????????? GOD you know what suxks ass????? im doing remote learning bcuz of crona n i wanna help stop da spread or whatever, so i gotta do orchestra online AND IT SUCKS SO MUCH ASS!!!!! the ammount of times i seriously considered taking a hammer to my violin and claiming it as an accident........ all of the fun of orchestra is gone!!!!!!! WHATAFUK IS THE POINT OF A PLAYING QUIZ??????????? its due on fridey.

i would strangle someone just to be able to be 12 years old and its a snowy december night and i just had a choir rehersal or whatever and my ma and i go to this chinese buffet and its late and there's not a lot of other people there but they fucking closed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i never fucking liked choir. the people were fine but i hated doing it and i would always beg my ma "please ma let me quit i dont like doing it" but she wouldnt listen so every monday i would go to choir after school and it was a very good choir, like i said the people were fine, but i hated it so much because i never liked doing it in the first place but my ma would still make me do it. and anyway i would be in this auditorium with like a bunch of other middle n highschoolers and the auditorium was always just 1% too warm so i would get sleepy sleep and i hated every second of it and i would always look at the clock every 5 minutes until it was time to go and i was so tired by the end and i hated it.

there was one thing i liked about it though during the winter there was this big winter concert our city had and we would perform in it and then because our parents always would watch the second half we would have to wait in this big room backstage because we only performed during the first half, so there was only a few of us left and we would all hang out and that was fun. i dont miss choir but sometimes i get nostalgic because there was something about that time in my life i miss and idk what it is but whatever.

my brain will look at the good memories i have of being in choir and say "well dont you miss that??" and yes there were some fond memories here n there but i still hated it.

im having one of those moments

maybe i sound like a fucking loser but sometimes i remember one of those times when there was a thing done or said that just felt so alienating and sometimes i wish i could just cut my brain out of my head

the temptation to cut my fingers off or to eat undercooked meat or to drink pond water is very strong sometimes because then i wouldnt have to do anything for a bit except just be sick. like if i cut my fingers off right now i wouldnt have to play violin

i like orchestra and sometimes i even like playing violin but this year...... sometimes i want to smash my violin or cut my fingers off or just quit. but im probably not going to because i like orchestra irl and not online orchestra

that's right i also have lots of shit to do in french and yea i do get sick of this sometimes. Madame says these she wants these projects to be fun for us and that makes me cry a lil because she really does care about us and I love her

god sometimes you really do wanna cut your hand off or eat undercooked meat or drink pond water or get out that nice long sash that's in one of your drawers because goddamm does all this make you tired and you hate doing anything and there's just so much shit you gotta do



i was with one of my friends yesterday and we were sitting in my yard n talking nd she was talkin about stuff i guess and i wonder how she hears all of this stuff. oh man oh man oh man

thinkin about the time i was invited to a friends birthday and i was told the location and i show up and no ones there and i call and ask "am i at the right place" and her mom picks up and says "no its at our house now" and i think to myself whatafuk man. i dont know why i wasnt told that the location changed and i wonder how everyone else heard about it. oh man oh man oh man where do people hear these things

oh man oh man oh man oh man whatafuk is wrong with me

you know what i dont fucking get is when i go on ****** and ppl are talking about how like "oh yeah if my friend never texted me first i would just stop talking to them because if they dont want to put the effort into the friendship...." or like some shit about the """""talking stage""""" in a relationship like what the fuck does that mean i dont get it

?????????????????? i dont get it like yea i text my friends first sometimes but like........... we both understand that even if we dont talk over text we're still friends. like i have friends where neither of us really text each other but we're still good friends and we talk a lot when we see each other.... but to some ppl thats weird ig. i dont get it.

god i sound so fucking stupid whatafuk is wrong with me

its funny beause during the day im always thinking about like "oh i should totally write this down on my webbed sight" with a whole bunch of stuff but when it comes around to actually writing it i lose all of my thoughts



i type calmly

tomorrow i have ap gov and i think i'll do fine bcuz the gotdamn govment is ez. then i have calc OH GOD AHGUHUAHUHGUAHUGHUHAUGHUGHAUGHHUAHGUAHGUAHUA but its okay i am certain i will do fine. WHAATFUK MAN I HAD THE WHOLE WEEKEND TO STUDY AND I DIDNT DO SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

then the week after i have ap lang GOD I FUCKING HATE THAT CLASS I HATE WRITING STUPID FUCKING ESSAYS ABOUT NOTHING and then someone will say "oh but they're not about nothing they're teaching you how to think critically about what u read :)" SHUT UP O H M Y G O D I HATE WRITING STUPID FUCKING ESSAYS ABOUT NOTHING

and then im done w/ ap tests. i was going to take the ap econ test but i said fuck that bcuz i took the class in 1st semester and its been a long time since i've done econ and also FUCK THAT CLASS

but the new touhou comes out this week and so do my sat scores so whatever



im lonely

i got my sat scores back few days ago and i got a good score and i told my mom and made i big fucking deal "dont fucking tell anyone else please please please PLEASE" except i didnt say the f word and she said "okay" and then the next day we're out doing yard stuff and the neighbor comes over to talk w/ my ma and she congratz'd me on my sat score. so i look over at my ma and she laughs and says "whoops lol" ;_;

i know its not a big deal but i said i didnt want her tellin nobody but she still did so im upset ;_; ;_; ;_; ;_;

i also took the ap calc nd ap lang exams.... boy was the ap calc exam hard. ap lang was easy. im going to stop talking about them because fuck the college board

love using this as my diary.... love it love it love it. one thing i dont like though is that throughout the day i'll think "oh man i should write that here", or actually its more like i'll be going crazy and i'll think "god im gonna write all this shit down when i get home/get the time" and then by the time i get home/get the time ive cooled my head. or ill just have ideas of shit to write in here but i forget them when i can ;_; ;_; ;_;

i've been drawing lately. i try to get better but the drawings are on paper and i took pics on my fone and i dont wanna go through the hassle of putting them on here.

fuck it shitty ms paint drawing time

idk what else to write here right now.......i get all the good ideas when im away!!!!!!!

whatever im getting my hair cut on idk what day, soon though. i havent cut my hair in 3 years, except my bangs though. but i havent cut my bangs since october or september idk idk idk. i cut my own bangs its easy.

maybe i should write more in this page about random stuff, idk. keeps my mind empty. idk


hold on im shifting into "president.html" mode

what the fuck is wrong with me why am i just always just a bit "off"

jesus christ im always so fucking jealous of the other people who are like, more....... i dont even fucking know. i dont want to say """"normal"""" because that has connotations with like, stupid fucking disney channel original movie bullshit but like, GOD im so fucking jealous of the people who like, get invited to shit like fucking prom parties??? i didnt know we had that this year HOLY SHIT i sound like such a fucking loser no life. but its like....... well i dont really care because i dont really know these people and they're like, a friend of a friend or whatever but its also FUCK why cant i just be well-adjusted enough to be able to be one of those people who like.... does normal things and has the fucking """""""""""""""""h*ghschool exp*rience"""""""""""""" GOD I SWEAR TO GOD IM JUST MAKING SHIT UP AND THIS ALL SOUNDS fuck god im such a fucking loser using all caps but why does this feel like im just making shit up and this all sounds insane to anyone else. anyway theres other people doing """"normal teenager stuff"""" like smoken weed LMAOOO 420 LOLOLOL (jesus im going to hang myself) or like going to do """cool""" shit or whatever and im just here wasting away writing on this fucking website and refreshing the same 3 sites over and over again because i have no fucking life. and im just so jealous because why does it feel like there's something thats just off about me that i can't do these things. i have friends and i am invited to parties but even then it feels like im just "out" just a little bit like everyone knows what to do and im here looking over everyones shoulder trying to figure out the right things to do but i dont know how i fuck it up FUCK i sound so fucking stupid what the fuck is wrong with me. but anyway im so jealous because everyone is out there living a fun life and im so lonely because no matter what i do i always feel "off" like i dont fucking know. i sound stupid and maybe i sound like a lunatic to everyone idk im lonely and jealous. oh fuck hold on. its like when i wrote on here earlier about how i was the only one who wasn't told that my friends birthday had changed locations so i went to the original location and no one was there so i called and then they said "whoops lol forgot to tell you" and i should have gone home but my dad was with me in the car and i didnt want to cry. but anyway i think of that and i just ruminate and think "GOD WHATAFUK MAN WHY DIDNT THEY TELL ME it must have been something about me there's something fucking off about me and thats why they forgot, there's something off that makes me so forgettable they just forgot or didnt tell me why didnt they tell me" and its been almost a year and for the love of god get over it you stupid fuck but god what the fuck. and then there's the whole "im going to just cut my fucking face off" because every time i look in the mirror why do i look different every time i dont know what i look like but i know i look fucking STUPID to everyone else and thats why i feel off its because i hate my appearance because i dont know what i look like because i look different every time i look in the mirror but i know i look stupid because everyone else knows i look stupid and FUCK i fucking hate myself everyone else looks fine and knows what they look like but why do i look so fucking stupid oh god and thats not even mentioning how often i pick at my skin because i hate it and now im covered in scars because i pick at my skin so goddamn much and i spend a hella long time in the bathroom every every every fucking day picking at my skin because i hate myself.... and some days its good because ill think "wow i look so nice today" and i dont know what im seeing i dont know what i look like and ill be in pictures with my friends and ill see it and say "god i look weird" and theyll say "omg omg omg no u dont ;_:" and i know theyre not lying because theyre my friends but why do i feel like theyre lying but i know theyre not. speaking of pictures i have a thing about pictures because ive always hated how i look because i look stupid even though i look fine but when i was a kid people in my family would take pictures of me without asking and i'd get really upset because i hate having my picture taken so goddamn much and then they'd like, try to sneak pictures of me and it made me sososososososososososososososo upset but i couldnt tell them because they were adult and i was 8-9 like what the fuck am i supposed to do please god i hate myself so much.

its been a rough year

i did cut my hair though and i think i look nicer with it because when my bangs get super long they also get flat i look fucking stupid when my bangs are flat i spend a lot of time making sure my bangs are perfect because when they're not i want to cut my face off.

being alone is only lonely if you want it to be but why do i always feel so lonely


good god i'd risk it all for tf2 medic

like holy shit man

that was kind of cringe man


god im so fucking bored all the goddamn time

hate when i get ides for like stuff to write on here or other pages and then i forget what i wanna write..................

miracleee hinacleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee miracleee hinacleeeeeeeeeeeeeee

whatever ill just make another fucking mixtape


another neocities night huh

i was pissed at everyone in my house earlier today but i took a shower and then we were all laughin n shit so im not pissed anymore

every summer my brain goes crazy, its like when people talk about their seasonal depression leaving when it starts getting nice out.......... god im like the fucking opposite or smth. i mean in winter i'll still hate being alive but at least i'll be comfy doing so and theres christmas to look forward to, but when its summer i'll hate being alive and also be hot n swety so its a double wammy. also theres fucking nothing to do in this stupid fucking place god i fucking hate lviing here.

im getting my hair cut soon i havent cut my hair in 3 years. as in, i've cut my bangs a lot bcuz they get too long, but my hair hair hasn't been cut in 3 years

sometimes i want to cut my hair different but im too scared i wont like it so i just kind of leave it as is. i hate myself but not my hair because i think my hair is pretty. its long and curly and when i wake up i go through my bangs once with a comb to make them floofy and then i go through my hair loosely with a wide tooth comb so the curls stay together and dont get all frizzy

oh man i want to finish clannad but i just cant its so fucking looooooooonnnnnnnngggggggggggggg. and i get too nervous making the choices i dont wanna fuck anything up and then i realize theres MORE routes i have to do and then there's the AFTERSTORY????? maybe i just cant take it easy enough and SoL vns arent for me.

i rode my bike around today even though it was a lil hot out. i went fucking nowhere because thats just how it is in this bitch of a city. but anyway afew months ago i went to an estate sale and bought an old portable cd player for 2 dollars so i can play my cds when i ride my bike and it didnt fucking work, but i tried it again today and it worked! so that was nice

i kind of just say shit on here, like ill just say things. i just say things. do i say anything do i just say things.

i just kinda sit around and do shit with my kitties like we just sit and hang out sometimes they'll say shit and we'll talk, god i love those fuckers like you wouldnt believe. fuck hold on hold on im jus thinking of my kitties

man i just kinda say shit and thats just what i do i just say shit


afternoon fellas I'm like, at work rn so I'm doing this on my fone lel even though I hate doing neocities on my fone but that's just how it is on this bitch of an earth

anyway uhh we're like not even doing anything rn so I figured I'd just do this or whatever idk man I'm just fucking like.... typing n clicking and scrolling and shit

but anyway I'm like typing on here and not on the homepage because I don't wanna like clutter that place up. Or smth.

or I might have work to do soon or idk man I'm just fuckin around here so we'll see or smth. Waste of an entry ;_;


evening, fellas......... seems like its been a while since i wrote in here huh?? well thats because im medicated now lole...! and i definitely feel like its working bcuz i get a lot less nervous all the time and im not such a nervous wreck and i also dont really want to hang myself anymore which is pretty nice tbh. so i started eatin meds like, end of june, like right after the previous entry, so its been like a month now. and idk i think things are just nicer now. i finally started playing tf2 online with like, other real ppl instead of the practice bots bcuz i was always way too nervous to join a game. and ye i suck ass but hey we all gotta start somewhere. i like playing engineer because someones gotta build the teleporters and if no one else is gonna do it then ig i will.

its around that time where i gotta srtart aplying to colleges n shit.................. ma says to apply early or smth.... i'd like to apply to ***** but i gotta get liek, my transcript n shit all 2gether................ whatever at least i dont gotta write an esssay lole. waanna go into mathmatics or like astronomy or smth like that idk

a few days from now im gonna get my dosage increased n shit bcuz idk i think id just be better if it was increased bcuz like thats just how it is sometimes n shit

sometimes i still get real tired n real bored n ill take naps bcuz theres nothin better to do which i think is like, symptoms or some shit but uhhhhhhhhhh..................................

i spent the night at a friends house a few days ago. she came 2 my haus bcuz i forgot my camping chair at her house, but it was actually another friends camping chair so we went and deivered it 2 my friend then i was like "hey u wanna go 2 the gas station" and we went to the gas station and by the time we were walking back it was dark out and i said "hey hey hey u wanna have a sleepover??" which i like, never do, so i think the meds are working. anyway i brought my laptop over and we played kidpix and tf2 and then the next day we went 2 the beach and her ma drove us but i got real carsick so i had to close my eyes n shit......... i hate riding in cars because i wlaays get carsick. every fucking time we go anywhere in a car my head starts to hurt like hell and my eyes hurt and uhfghkjfhkjghk.

i have afflictions ( i am carsick)

i think i need my dosage increased bcuz its like im not super miserable but im not content either hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm its all so tiresome sometimes

i worked last weekend and i just priced and repriced shit. pricing and stocking and rhyming and stealing. all day on sunday was peeling stickers on $1.99 sky lanterns and repricing them to $2.99 but i also got to use the ladder but i also had to reach a little which made me nervous

idk what else i was even gonna write here but i guess it was time to revisit my dearest friend, my number one confidant, my lifelong companion, president.html

i just kinda do shit and i just kinda say shit and thats just how it is sometimes but you know what........

i actually dont know

its funny bcus there was a time where if i wwas updating this page a lot you could tell i was seriously considering the rope and i think its nice that there has been a gap of one month betwween this entry and the last.

ye meds are nice n shit


fuck god fucking damnit im writing in here again fucking hell

its because im a creep

im a weirdo

what the hell am i doing here

i dont belong here

fasle i 100% belong on president.html, my beloved pillow to cry and sob into. the one who i cant leave but all i do is fuck when im here. ugh im fucking writing on here again i thought i was doing well

well thats also false i am doing well, i am doing much better than i have been in a long time. but let me fucking tell you. let me fucking tell you. every goddamn day i wake up and i go to the mirror and i scan every fucking centimeter of skin on my face for the smallest bumps and when i feel one or when i think i feel one i just start fucking digging in my skin god i cant fucking help it. every fucking day i wake up and pick my skin because i have to. and before i left for ireland i was thinking to myself "hmm i should get better and try to stop" and i was doing good for 1 day but i fucking broke it i had to dig into my skin again, but hey this time it wasn't too bad, it wasnt for too long or too many different places or too bloody. thought i was makin progress, because hey i cant stop cold turkey man recovery is a slow process. and i told myself "well as long as youre not picking at your arms again you should be good for making progress, just be patient" and yo i was doing pretty well by the time i went to ireland, i was still picking but it was a lot less worse and i hadnt gone on a 45 minute session where i end up bleeding all over and my face is all red, so i thought i was doin pretty well. yea and im in ireland and im not really picking my face so horribly i mean i still am but less worse, only when i really feel like i need to, im not scanning over my face for percieved imperfections. and im doing well and then FUCK i start relapsing real bad man like god fucking damnit my face is bleeding all over this tissue again i thought i was done with this. and so i'd be in the bathroom lookin in the mirror SCANNING MY FACE again picking and digging into my skin until its 100% worse than it ever would be if i just left it alone. and then oh god oh shit oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck i start looking at my arms again and i slowly brush my fingertips across my forearm, across the shitty fucking scars i have, feeling for any bumps that may or may not exist, or any spots that look different, and oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck i find one fuck i said i wouldnt do my arms anymore fuck fuck fuck ahhhhh god damnit and what do you know my fingernails are already pinching the skin on my arm oh god theres the blood and for one second i get that disgusting feeling of pleasure, knowing that whatever was wrong with my skin is gone now but ugh i said id stop it hurts and it leaves scars and it becomes an obsession and its disgusting and i cant stop it when i start but man when i start scanning over my forearms its already over. fingertips gently moving across small scars, searching for the one reason to go fucking off the rails on my arms. fucking hell i relapsed again. and now im back home and when i got home i spent 45 minutes looking at my face and seeing everything wrong with it and having my fingers find every single bump they could find, or they thought they found, and boom there i am again 45 minutes later bleeding from all over my face and my face is all disgusting and grimy. then i go into the shower and put my face under the shower head and the water stings my face but its fine because that means the water is cleaning out all the schmutz in my face so hopefully i wont have the need to do this anymore but thats not how it works. and then i get out of the shower and if im lucky ill be able to ignore all the shit on my face, but sometimes im not lucky so then i spend another 45 minutes in the mirror looking for every imperfection i missed the first time and by the time i pry myself away from the mirror my face is bleeding all over again. and maybe if im extra unlucky ill start looking at my arms again.

sometimes ill wake up in the middle of the night to find my hands picking at the skin on my back, or my scalp. so fucking ingrained into me ill do it when i sleep. and i never realize when i begin doing it only after i wake up at midnight and find my hands picking at my back or scalp

i think thats enough for today, i am tired


i been working on my SA hard 1cc. i can get to satori pretty consistently, i get my ass handed to me at BoWaP, then i lose my last life in stage 5. but im doin my best!

i was gonna write shit in here but i ca- oh wait i remember

just the 2 of us... we can make it if we try...

just the two of us

i went 2 a homecoming on saturday but it wasnt for students from my school so i called up my friend i met at a fair a month or so ago who went to that school and asked if she was going and she said yea. i was nervous before picking her up so i decided to kinda get myself calm my practicing my SA 1cc. anyway later i picked her up and so we went and she told me her friend was comin too and i was like "oh hell yea" bcus i like making friends (thank u prozac) so my friend (we will call her reimu) gets a call from her friend (we will call her suika) and says shes here so we go meet her but uhh.... suika pregamed guys....

anyway then we go to the dancefloor and i get real nervous bcuz i dont really like dancing at parties, so i do this stupid dorky ass shimmy. but reimu is getting down hell yea, and bro suika's joining her... then they start fuckin grinding on each other and makin out or smth on the dancefloor and i'm still doing this dumbass shimmy, it was reallly fucking funny. then suika says shes got a bottle of smirnoff in the parking lot so reimu and suika try to leave but the guy at the door is like "no u cant leave" so they pay like, 5 dollars to leave rq. they ask if i want to go too but i say "no i'll just wait 4 u guys" and suika says "good, dont start drinkin or smokin man" and i say "ok" so i wait around for like 10 minutes till they come back. reimu's a lil tipsy, suika's fucking hammered, you can smell it on her breath. we go back to the dancefloor. they makeout, i shimmy. i get nervous we'll get kicked out so i kind of block them from the security's view. later we go to the bathroom, reimu starts talkin to a girl there (i never got her name) and the girl offers them something from an eyedropper bottle and says "its real strong it'll taste bad" and they take it but i hide in a bathroom stall bcuz for some reason i thought they were doing whippets and i wanted to be seen nowhere near them if they were doing whippets. they weren't, but i was already real paranoid. anyway afterwards we go back to the dancefloor. they grind, i shimmy. suika fucking falls down shes so hammered. suika then says she wants to request a song. boulevard of broken dreams. wtf. but anyway we go back to the seating to get 2 dollars to request. I get a dollar and some quarters, and go to hand them to suika... only to find that reimu and suika are both talking to these poor kids on a double date. god they looked so uncomfortable. i pull suika aside, give her 2 dollars, and we go to request boulevard of broken dreams. suika forgets what shes doing halfway through and we end up back in the seating. reimu says suika's way too fucking drunk, so i buy her a water and a bag of skittles to help sober her up... turns out she'd been drinking on an empty stomach. wtf. the water and skittles don't really help, but suika appreciates the gesture. she says im cool and that she loves my energy. reimu ends up separated from us, so its just suika and i sitting, eating skittles. we start talking about philosophy, she's all like "yaeeaaah i just dont like... underrrstandd how i gooooot here?? liiike how i became meee?" and we have a nice conversation about sense of self and all that stuff. i say i should get her number so we can keep talkin. she says yes. i get her number. reimu comes back, we go to the dancefloor. they grind/makeout, i shimmy. the usual. it's near the end of the dance now. the slow-dance song is playing. they're fucking making out. im shimmying. a different song comes on. i see someone i know from school. fug >:-DDDDDD nod XD nod XD!!! i tell reimu and suika i see someeone from school and leave to the seating to process wtf is going on and to eat skittles. dont stop believing comes on. i fucking hate that song. im eating skittles. and i have a moment of realization. guys, i think im autistic. but the "i think" part is pronounced like "im certain". the dance is over. everyone leaves, reimu suika and i wait in the parking lot for my mom to pick me and reimu up. i ask suika if she needs a ride, she says no. suika and i are talkin more about philosophy, i give her the rest of the skittles. reimu and i leave. we drop reimu off. i go home. its 1am. i do another 1cc attempt, but i choke at BoWaP again, trying to get the safespot. wtf happened. i think that was the most surreal thing i ever experienced. we never requested boulevard of broken dreams btw. everytime we went to request suika forgot halfway through. reimu and suika are very nice, i would trust them with my life.

suika n i were texting the other day, she said we should totally hangout. i said "omg hell yea dude".

a night for the ages

no yeah i should see a doctor or something. like its super fucking obvious im autistic but like, it's autism in all but name. its kinda funny tbh


one of my most most most favorite thiings to do is go on tumblr and look through the tf2 tag because people are so fucking unhinged on there its so goddamn funny. like youre all insane i would love to study you. i go on that tag to watch the clowns. i'll be scroling through and i'll see smth tthat makes me think "youre fucking insane" and immediately start lmaoing my ass off bcuz like, ppl on there are so unhinged its so funny

if u have the chance, go 2 the tf2 tag on tumblr its an experience like none other. sometimes you'll see normal art, sometimes you'll see some weird ass shit, and sometimes youll see the funniest thing youve ever seen. sometimes its all 3. you'll just have to go on there to know what im talkin about

its kinda like touhou on other websites lole

on thursday i had my orchestra concert, i was concertmaster :^))))))) and it was a halloween concert too so we got to wear costumes n i was reimu hakurei :^)))) mfers saw me and said holy shit is that reimu playing first chair violin??? and i said yeah. actually no noone knew who i was, sasuga ;_; but i kept my 4-year touhou halloween streak, hell yeah~

the outfit was all homemade, itts real real cute!!! i should totally upload pics of it to here!!!!!

the concert went well btw, we played real good :^))

ik ppl say that oc's are cringe, but who give a shit. theyre so goddamn fun to make. i've been making some the past week... the theme is "highschool graduating class of 2016" and theyre all the most insufferable ppl youve ever met its so fun making people!!!!!! i love just making people GAHHHH its so fun!!!!!!! i should totally upload them to here or smth its so so so so fun!!!!! ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its so fun!!!!!!!!!!!! i love just creating people its so fun!!!!!!!!!!!! ah~ i would love to just observe them. i would love to study them. i look at them and think "you fascinate me". i want to place them in a glass box and tap at the sides!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK ITS SO FUN!!!!!!!!!!!

sometimes i look at myself and think "i would love to study you" but what is existance if not a lifelong study on the self?? ohohohohhhohohohhhhhhh i want to make a copy of my consciousness and take it out of my body and just observe myself from the perspective of someone else!!!!!!! but then i remember, why spend all your life jst studying one person when theres 7 BILLION TO CHOOSE FROM!?!?!??! GOD the possibilities!!!!! i love seeing people and just thinking "oh god you fascinate me i would love to study you" i hope i dont sound too fucking insane or unhinged or whatever, but like, people. theyre so interesting.

like the ppl on tumblr's tf2 tag??? ohhhhhhh i would love to study them. i would love to read their minds. ppl who make really specific, weird ass posts about touhou girls?? GOD let me study you!!! i want to go inside your brain with a flashlight and shovel and just see. choir kids?? horny cumbrains?? the average /07/th poster?? ooooooooououhoguououohuoguohuougohuougohuuhuhguohuoguho let me study you i want to pick apart your brain i want to just read your mind i want to see what you think i want to know your entire life's story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK i wish i could know everything!!!!!!!!

the greatest song of all time is "hey ladies" by the beastie boys, with "car theif" and "shadrach" closely following. also by the beastie boys. but other than those, the greatest song of all time is "just the two of us"...... we can make it if we tryyyyyy just the two of us

just the two of us

listen to that song like 5 times every day still love it


there is nothing else fun to do online so i will write in here


best kitty cat names of all time:

est-ce que t'aimes Huey Lewis and the News?

ils vont bien

leurs oeuvres tôt étaient trop "new wave" pour mes goûts. mais, quand "Sports" est sorti en quatre-vignt-trois, je pense qu'ils se sont débrouillés, commerciallement et artistiquement. l'entier album a un style clair, net, et un nouveau éclat de professionnalisme consommé que donne les chansons un grand coup-de-pouce. il a été comparé de Elvis Costello, mais je pense qu'Huey a un sens de l'humour plus amer et cynique.

ah, monsieur halberstram?

qu'est-ce c'est, monsieur allen?

pourquoi t'as copies de la section de style partout? est-ce... est-ce que t'as un chien..? un petit chow, hein?

mais non, monsieur allen

est-ce un imperméable?

ouais, monsieur allen. En quatre-vignt-sept, Huey est sorti ça, "Fore!", leur album le plus accompli. je pense que leur chef-d'oeuvres incontesté est "Hip to be Square", un chanson tellement entraînant, le plus de peuple n'entendent pas à les mots. Mais ils devraient, car c'est pas juste sur les plaisirs du conformite et les importance des modes, c'est aussi un déclaration personallement sur le bande. HEY PAUL!!



im having a society moment. a creep weirdo moment.

hhhhhhhhhhhhahuhh i don treally know how to properly uhhhhhhhhhhhh tranlsate my thoughts into words on this page right now without just making screaming noises and uploading an mp3 of that. like not a simple "aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" but like.............................. iiiiiiiiiiiidk




why do i feel deep rest right now

there is this tumblr post i like and its like "mike's hard past couple of months" and yeah i like that one

i hope this moenth isnt hard bcuz i uhhhh said rabbit rabbit this morning.

i fucking hate french. no thats not true. i like french (the class). i just hate ap french. french 1-4 were fun, ap french sucks sweaty balls, man. aaaaUFKC but now i have to just stay there the rets of the year UFCK FUCK FUCAGHUHUHKGCKUFKUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUKFUCK i want to chomp through a big fucking branch. like just bite through a branch. splinters in my mouth yes.

i wish it was 2012 so bad


very very often i find myslef thinking "take me away" but idk what it means......... but its a little comforting bcuz i can just imagine what that could mean and idk......



TAKE ME AWAY!!!!!!!!!


i had shit to say on here but i froget what i was fixin to say

there were people in the school parkinglot today having car sex. i wanted to scream and cry and throw up

i also wanted to start slamming on their back windows GOD that wouldda been so FUCKING FUNNY!!!!!!!!

i am writing the following entry with a glittery pink pen in my diary twirling my hair around my finger and giggling. the stereotypical teenage girl. candice flynn. i've talked about this before. i love myself when i embrace femininity; i love myself when i dont embrace femininity. i love myself :^)

sorry, i wasn't writing that entry with the specifics. or this one. the next one.

actually i wrote out what i had planned then i deleted it bcuz i got nervous. so forget the whole glitter pink pen thing. sorry im just tryna say i like someone >///< and uwaaah i think we both like eachother

we both like pokemon nd evangelion nd sewing nd calc nd talkin politics w/ eachother

awww jeez man!!!!


bbbbbb etty and the jets

i like that he stutters that. bbbbbetty and the jets

bEttyy bEttyy bEttyy bEttyy and the jeeehhheetsss

i am just here right now

tw for skin picking

i love how i just have a fucking hole in my face. i love it when i pick skin. i love it when i stand in front of the mirror for almost an hour and pick at my skin until theres a FUCKING HOLE!?!??!?!?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

now theres a hole in my face. oh wait not like a "you can see my teeth" hole but like, theres a fucking hole

but its okay i just have to be patient and wait for it to scar over

bEttyy bEttyy bEttyy and the jeeeehhhheetsssss


do you want to hear my impression of a guy frpm the 60s


did you like it?

wwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeee............ we need to bring back rock and roll. no... even better... cock and roll. rock and roll, wheere did it go??? hot funk new punk even if its old junk its still rock and roll to me


oh fuck i had shit to say dinn i?

ughhhhhhhh my laptop charger doesnt work and its kinda pissin me off, i gotta get it just right for it to charge

man that shit sucks dont it?

what do u guys want for christmas? i want a sick ass butterfly knife, i know i'll probably cut my fingers all over but hey i'll look cool as hell

my whole life is spent trying to look cool as hell. i dont pull it off but i pull "not pulling it off" off.

nothin else 2 do online.... time to go get frags i guess

i did not get frags ;_;


in a perfect world, one could derive f(x)/g(x) as f'(x)/g'(x) instead of g(x)f'(x)-f(x)g'(x)/g(x)², but this is not a perfect world

FUCK quotient rule all my homies hate quotient rule

seriously what the fuck is lowdhiminushidlowalloverlowsquared

my fucking wii is broken ;_; its actually been broken for a while now but uhhhhhh my brother and i finally brought it into a place 2 fix it

it wont read discs smh and i aint gonna risk cleaning the laser lens myself... god i just wanna play brawl again

everyone hates brawl or something, idk. thats just what my brother says. but i remembered the flashes "brawl taunts" and "nin10doh" and rewatched them...... good god i miss 2009

smash taunts really aint that funny anymore... man idk. BUT NIN10DOH IS STILL FUCKING HILARIOUS god i lmaoed my ass off rewatching that loolololololololol the mario party clip is so funnny holy shit i forgot how much of my vernacular was influenced by nin10doh i'll quote that w/o realizing it

wait i remember the pokemon snap triple x and i remember saying "HOT PIKACHU BUSTY ACTION ALL DAY ALL NIGHT LONG" and then bursting into laughter saying "DUNKA DUNKA DUNKA DUNKA"

fuck ill just list the quotes that entered by common vernacular

good shit



covid delta variant omicron trump hunter biden joe biden vaccination mask mandate "and heres why" millenials climate change "because internet" facebook corporate art style the idea of premium global supply chain microchip shortage get your holiday shopping done early nft crypto bitcoin blockchain "and thats a good thing" productivity growth mindset stock market google youtube pharmaceutical companies taxes inflation recession pandemic "new normal" lootbox dlc microtransactions fox news cnn microsoft amazon spacex billionaires in space second space race amazon prime

i might just kill someone

it was snowing last night and it was all pretty and snowy but when i left school all the snow melted and once again my bloodlust was heightened to the 666th power

i cant take it easy

its all so tiresome im having a society moment right now. im having a society moment. take me away. i need something.

i cant do this anymore i need to i need to I NEED TO MOVE AWAY INTO THE WOODS AND NEVER PARTICIPATE IN SOCIETY AGAIN i need to never hear anything ever again i need to move to the middle of nowhere, upper peninsula and never speak to a soul ever again i need to never think again i need to never know anything ever again i need to move to the woods and be left alone i need quiet i need the destruction of all money i need the abolition of the profit motive i need to move to the woods and be left alone i never want to hear anything again

when i grow up i will take all the money on earth and burn it. it needs to be done. money is worth nothing in the eyes of god. when you are dead what will you do with all of your money. i hate money. i hate wallstreet men. i hate house flippers. i hate real estate. i hate finances. i hate business. i hate quarterly growth. i hate corporations. i hate profit.

my bloodlust is eternal


its kinda funny yesterday i forgot my prescription and i forgot how miserable i was before i started taking it. and then i reemembered to take it 2day and waow what a difference, huh?

i had to keep reminding myself "hey pal this is just the disease talkin, quit thinkin all that shit man" ahhhhh but hmmmmmmm

yesterday i was out with my friends and we went to a restaurant because it was our friends birthdya. somehow i started talking calculus w/ my friend who doesnt know calculus and i was showin her integration by parts with a napkin and a crayon, i ended up doing this elaboratee calc lesson. my golden truth is that she was listening to me. anyway so im doing this calc lesson to my buddy and my other friend turns towards me and was like "lolololol i was gonna send xyz a text about u doing calc for the last 15 minutes but i accidentally texted you instead lololol" and i thought oh god is she making fun of me. and i turn towards my ffriend who i was giving the calc lesson and my disease started talking and i was like "oh god if you think im being annoying i can stop; i can stop if you want" and she was like "nah ur good, its actually kind of relaxing, like an asmr kinda thing" which was very nice of her to say so i just say "alright i just need a sec" and i sip my water and get my act together and then keep doing calc. then later im talkin with a friend of a friend who i kind of know, theyre nice, i was tellin them "ohhhoheoheohhe im in love with someone :^)))))))" and they were like "tell me about them :^)" but then i hesitated because i remmeberd the time one of my friends sadi i was annoying when i was talkin about them. and maybe you might be right but please dont say it to my face it kind of hurts my feelings. but then the friend-of-friend was like no keep talking i like hearing you talk and i had to take a minute because i was aboutta cry, that was the nicest thing anyones ever said to me.

hold on

fuck this is my goddamn president.html webpage, i'll talk about whatever i want and i dont have to worry about people ik irl seeing this. it was the nicest thing anyone ever said to me because i get told im being annoying or whatever when im talkin about shit i like which kinda hurts my feelings. and its usually by the same fella but she and i have been friends for such a long time that like, i dont wanna say nothin about it. and then she'll get all weird when a group of us are talkin about smth we all like, but she'll get weird because she's not really into whatever we're talkin about. i can get it if its all we ever talk about but its not, man i hear you talk with others about plenty of other stuff that im not into, but i wont be all weird bcuz man i like hearin u talk about shit ur interested in!!!! god. and yeah i'd get it if it was all we'd ever talk about but its not!! god. and i know this feels mean for me to say but when you drive me places n u got ur music playin or whatever and youre quietly singing along tryna be all indie, fuck ill say it. its a lil annoying. but i wont say it to ur face bcuz its what u enjoy doing, and im not gonna tell u what u can and cant enjoy in my presence!!

sorry guys i dont mean to be all "omg highschool drama uwahhh" on you but im starting to see patterns. i didnt say this, this is just between you and me, but im kind of fixing to get my license so i dont gotta rely on her to drive me 2 and from school. once again, just between you and me, im really not fixing to tell her im 100% certain i have the 'tism because i just know she would be so patronizing to me about it. shes already pretty patronizing but i know shed be... like that.

fuck i didnt say this but shes a little self-centered. i didnt say that though. god i feel bad for writing this all out but idk im seeing patterns, im just a little upset. sorry i dont mean to sound mean, its just... idk. im a little upset about how she treats me. and it's not like she's fucking kicking my teeth in or something, its more like many papercuts. yknow? a papercut once aint the worst, but getting many papercuts over time starts to add up a little.

oh god i feel a little bad im sorry, i just had to uh.... express my feelings or something, i dont fucking know

oh fuck i cant wait till i graduate kind of


ouah, take me away

not feelng very holly and jolly right now. theres no snow on the ground. its supposed to be 60 tomorrow...................................................

i just dont have the energy for my annual "i hate climate change" speech

its all so tiresome, take me away

god i odnt nkow

i no longer feel bad for what i wrote on 12/12/21. i dont gotta apologize for bein upset, i dont know im just tired

man id like to bring up how im feeelin upset w/ my friend but i feel llike shed just get all defensive n shit.......................................................................... fuck im tired

ill take a nap and then ill see how im feelin afterwards... i really am tired. exams do a number on you. i got a 95% on part 1 of my calc2 exam though which is nice :^)

i cant wait until i get my license because then i can invite the fella i like on dates. i really do like him, he's real nice to be around. i aint nervous around him, he's just real nice to be around



todays date is repeating digits


sooooooo you guize know how i was talkin about this feller who im friends with who is kind of an asshole?? yeah??? you remember??? great!! ^_^ i also remember!!! SHES A REAL FUCKING BITCH IS WHAT SHE IS

she WAS making fun of me when she texted our friend xyz bein all like "lololol clam hanson's been doing calc for the past 15 minutes" she did mean to text that to the other person, yeah?? and like, 20 minutes later she """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""accidentally""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" texted me instead of xyz being like "u should join our calc lesson" and she showed that to me bein all like "teehee im such a goofball i texted you accidentally again!!" and i was like "hhhheyeahhhh hhhnnnn hahah funney" BUT SHE WAS DOING IT TO COVER HER TRACKS BECAUSE SHE WAS MAKING FUN OF ME THE FIRST TIME, THAT FUCKING BITCH!!!!!!!!!!! like YEAH im a fucking loser who'll teach fucking calc at dinner, but like, thats who YOU choose to hang out with. why in gods name would you make fun of people you WILLINGLY CHOOSE TO BE AROUND???? like you KNOW im like that, we've been friends for YEARS. you KNOW im like that.

from this point on she's called bennie because i need a placeholder name

SO ANYWAY after she drops me off at my house, she has a sleepover with "xyz" who she was going to text earlier and our other buddy who i was giving the calc lesson to. fuck i dont know i'll call her james dean or some shit. SO anyway bennie, xyz, and james dean are having a sleepover and they were talking about the shitty ass calc lesson because of couse they were, and either bennie or xyz says some shit like "lol you really took a bullet for us james dean". okay yeah she took a bullet for you guys and now im gonna put a bullet in my head. my money's on bennie because bennie was already texting xyz about it. WHAT A FUCKING BITCH!!!!!!!!

how do i know all this? james dean and i were talkin on the phone about how much of a bitch bennie's been lately (because of completely different reasons i might talk about) and james dean told me about all that shit. like what the fuck is wrong with you. you literally know thats the kinda guy i am. NO AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE???? i asked bennie kind of jokingly "hey u wanna join our calc lesson lol" and she was like "sure ^_^" and i was like "u dont have to yk, i was joshin ya" and she was like "no i wanna listen ^_^" and so im like ogey and so now im teaching calc to james dean and bennie but tbh bennie aint listening. i will get to that later. but anyway so did you join the calc lesson just to fucking make fun of me???? so you and xyz could laugh about how qUiRkY and WeIrD and nErDy and AwKwArD i am!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU MAN I REALLY THOUGHT YOU WERE A GOOD FRIEND, MAN I WOULDN'T EVER THINK YOU'D DO SHIT LIKE THIS

i mentioned "tbh bennie aint listening" LET ME FUCKING TELL YOU. god i know this is just petty highschool drama to p much everyone on cyberspace, but i dont really give a shit right now im just so fucking pissed off at her i gotta just......... AHKUAHUHEKGHKEHKGHKGUHFGL, yknow? ^_^

so anyway bennie never fucking listens to any shit u gotta say unless it involves her or something she's interested in. like if we're friends, can you like, at least PRETEND to be interested in things im excitedly telling you about?? and im not even talking about fucking calc shit!!!!! okay so over thanksgiving break i built an evangelion figure with the fella i like, and so when school was back i was tellin her about it. but i was like, really glossing over it because i noticed that she like, never cares when im talkin about that shit. no and she literally said i was annoying when i was talking about it, to my face, but then she was like "nonono u can keep talkin about him though, i like hearin my buddy be all happy and excited" YOU FUCKING LIAR. so anyway i was glossing over it because i knew she wouldnt really care, but whatever i know she's get all butthurt if i didnt tell her but told our other friends because "i thought we were bffs ;_; ;_; ;_;" like SHUT UP OMG. ANYWAY so i was glossing over it, assuming that maybe she'd like listen a little because of how im like, just telling her i spent time w/ the fella i like. no annoying giggling, just how you like it, right? I'd assume she'd at least listen to the shit goin on in her bffs life, right??? RIGHT??????????? so anyway, the next day we're walking into school and she asks me "so have u been on any dates lately???" and i say "yeah i built an eva figure w/ him, i told you yesterday." and she was like ".....oh" like yeah i fucking caught you you bitch. ohhh but my news doesnt have anything to do with YOU, so you dont care!!!!!! because its all about you, isnt it?? it's always all about you!!!!!!!

so like, back in august bennie and our friend we will call "buddy holly" had this bigass fight. they were like, bffs for ever, but they like, fought or some shit over shit i dont care about. so now its december, and bennie will drive over to where buddy holly works and get fucking garlic knots, but then be all like "uuuuoooooo i want to get garlic knots but i dont wanna see buddy holly working there ;_;" there are other places to get garlic knots dumbass. something tells me you just wanna be a dick to buddy holly!!!!!!!! and thats what she does!!! bennie was with james dean the other day and so bennie was driving through buddy holly's neighborhood playin her music real fuckin loud when buddy holly wasn't at work, like jghkdjhfkgjhdkhfk you KNOW what you're doing. you always talk about how "u_u i wish buddy holly and i could be friends again" and then pull shit like that???? or go to where he works with all ur friends and try to show him "what he's missing out" (her words) LIKE WHAT POINT ARE YOU TRYNA MAKE????

anyway my whole point with the last paragraph is that buddy holly's birthday is coming up and he invited me and james dean and a few others to his birthday, but didnt invite bennie becaue of their bigass fight. so i call up james dean like "bro buddy holly invited me to his birthday what should i do" because i knew that if i went bennie would be all butthurt even though she SAID it was okay if buddy holly and i keep being friends (yeah i really asked her for permission, that fucking patronizing bitch. i knew she's get all upset if i didnt) so anyway i was scared of bennie getting butthurt even though like, their drama is literally just between them. so i called james dean and she said "yeah if she gets upset, thats kind of on her at this point. its been months and she's done nothing to fix their friendship, also you should feel the need to be worried about HER being upset at you literally hanging w/ your friend" and i said "good point" and then james dean and i talked for like, an hour about how bennie's been like that. so like, we have to walk on eggshells around her because its all about you and your feelings. all about you.

if we're talking about something that you aren't really interested in, you'll get all butthurt bcuz "well im not interested and i dont have anything to say :( so i dont like you talking about it because i dont have anything to add".......... okay??? and??????? like thats a part of life. you talk about shit i aint really into with others all the time, but do i get all butthurt and say "mmmmm you cant talk about that around me because its annoying"????? NO because i know it aint all about me and my preferences at all times!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD YOURE SO FUCKING INSUFFERABLE!!!!!!! its not all about you!!! me and james dean and everyone else aint gonna cater to you every second of every day, because we have our own goddamn lives and for some reason you just dont understand that!!!!!!!!! FUCK you piss me off sometimes

i cant wait to get my license so she dont gotta drive me to school no more

OH MY GOD AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE SHE DOES???????????? YOU KNOW WHY I AINT GONNA TELL HER IM AUTISTIC AS FUCK????? its because i know she'd patronize me more than she already does. like i've seen her talk to the special needs kids at school. she does the fucking baby talk voice, like talk normal. they're literally in our grade. they're not fucking babies. i know you might think they're "helpless wittle babies" but jesus christ they're our age you cunt. fucking talk like a normal person to them. and i know that she'd like, stop making fun of me for being autistic now that she knows im ""like that"" because im autistic. so.... it was okay for you to make fun of me for being awkward and being obviously not neurotypical when you DIDNT know, but now that you do, it'll make you feel bad because youre making fun of the autistic kid?????? ummmmmm pick ur battles sweatie!!!!!!!!! you fucking cunt

anyway thats kind of a qrd on what james dean and i were talking about on the phone today and yesterday. i need a cigarette


it's the last entry for this year or something.

I really wish I was in snooze town right now, it's almost 1am n I'm typing this on my fone I wanna go 2 bed but my minds awake

he has no style he has no grace this Kong has a funny face


I'll just write everything in this div box right now

since I am on my phone I can do a cool trick

🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀 holy shit i can put a picture of cheese on here that's fuckin crezy

thinkin abt wendsleydale cheese I've never had it I don't like cheese but Wallace wallaceandgromit likes it so its okay in my book

oh god I'm going to start "take me away" posting ain't i

yues take me away to snooze town please

thinkin abt a tumblr post I saw that was like "eninner with his senty and dispener" and now I keep thinking about senty

my new years revolution is to become a wild west outlaw. I had this cowboy dream narrative once and I could share it but not right now I'm tired and I don't wanna type it out

1am posting I'm sick of high school I'm hungry I want to go to snooze town

have you ever had champagne I had some on Christmas I don't get the appeal shit tasted like sharpies

hgggghhhgggg eggs get your eggs here fresh and white eggs are here. Wiggle jiggle, yellow middle. That's the best of what you are. White and tender surround the center cozy sitting in the crackling shell.

does anyone know that song look up I love egg on youtube or albinoblacksgeep my dad showed it to me when I was very little I still watch the video. Yesterday I found a video from 2014 of a live performance of some I love egg stuff to a bunch of Korean kindergartens I think and I just needed a moment. There are ppl who care so much about children they'll put on a performance encouraging kids to eat eggs because they Want them to grow strong and healthy and I just.... ;_; ;_; ;_;

I think iloveegg was a campaign for kids to eat more eggs, I don't know though because their website is down and only the Korean version is archived and I don't know Korean. If anyone has info about iloveegg pls lmk, I just want to know what it was. Eggs I really love you like the sky above

the train to snooze town has arrived