this page got too long so here's all entries from 2022, you kknow the drill
i need a cigarette
this is a new record for "how fast i've started president posting after the new year". god fucking damnit.
i remember when i was younger and my dad would get mad he would say "damn it all" which i now realize is kinda funny
anyway the reason i wrote in here so soon is because of a new chapter of the bennie chronicles has unfolded. for context read entries 12/12/21 - 12/21/21
inb4 shut the fuck up about high school drama. im sorry, i know. please understand. you can ignore it if you wish
so a few days ago my friend who we will call neru texts us all liek "hey u wanna haev new years party @ my house" because she usually has a new years party (not last year duh) but anyway im like "yea" and james dean is like "yea" and bennie is like "hm i may have to work that day". so later james dean went out with bennie and xyz to the fukin coffee place they sneak out to every night, and james dean asked bennie "so u got any plans for new years?" and bennie was like "hehe yea i'll just be seeing family and stuff" but she kept looking over at xyz so james dean asked "u got smth planned with xyz?" and bennie was like "hehe yea maybe~".
i thought you told neru you had work that day. yea theres some vaccine bullshit bcuz neru aint vaxd but the rest of us are and bennie's real carefeul about that, which is understandable bcuz her dad is like, uhhh high risk or smth. but insteada lyin to ur longtime friend neru, you coulda been open with her and said "hey i dont feel comfortable coming over", which she's done before which is fine, but instead you dont say shit and just make up stuff about work. and i get wanting to spend new years w/ someone else, but like, at least say u have something planned with someone else.
so later in the night its me, neru, james dean, and one of neru's pals. james dean opens her snap or whatever and sees bennie at someone elses new years party. sasuga. now it aint that she spent new years w/ someone else, its that she was invited to her longtime friend neru's and instead of clearly declining the invite because she was w/ someone else, she just kinda lied and said she had work and was going to see family. anyway so we're all hangin or whatever, yeah yeah 12 oclock and whatever. fast forward to around 1am we're just fuckin around in neru's backyard, james dean and i are talkin about how bennie pulled an asshole move, and its something she woulda gotten PISSED at us if we did, but when she does it its okay. when buddy holly does it, its enough to start this bigass fight. but when bennie does it its okay. james dean then decides to call up buddy holly and give him a qrd on how bennie's been a hypocrite, and also let him know that bennie's the one driving through his neighborhood at 3am blasting music, and she goes to his work on purpose to fuck w/ him. im like "bro james dean dont do that" bcuz im a paranoid freak but shes like "nah hes gotta know" so theyre talkin on the phone or whatever, its revealed that bennie went to buddy holly's work that night to bother him. whatafuk. buddy holly says he's gonna call the po-lice next time bennie's rollin through w/ her muzak. restraining orders are mentioned. they hang up.
bennie calls james dean. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfucjf james dean answers the phone. bennie's like "yea xyz and i are gonna head over to neru's house and have a snowball fight is that okay w/ u~" and james dean asks neru (because bennie didnt call neru for whatever reason) and nerus like "yea thats cool". hmmmmmm but i thought bennie had work and was going to see family????? did you just get bored after the other new years party and decided to use us as fallback?????? actually dont answer that. so anyway bennie and xyz come over, we say a little hi but james dean and i are mostly discussing whatafuk we do now. oh fuck james dean's gotta go, shes got work 2morrow. james dean leaves, leaving me w/ bennie and xyz. we talk a little, bennie asks "lol did u go under the mistletoe with the guy u like?" and she purposefully gets his name wrong, i just say "no, dont make fun of me man" and shes all like "aww i wasnt makin fun of you~" no im pretty sure you were, it was the tone of voice, its the same tone of voice you use when you're making fun of me so that i cant tell because im too autistic for this shit. anyway after 10 minutes or so bennie and xyz leave. we all go back inside and just hang out. james dean calls me at 2am and is like "yo, bennie and i were talking. she and xyz left a bit after i did because she said you seemed "depressed" and it was awkward." i am speechless. james dean continues. "then she asks if something was up with us tonight, i say yeah a little, she says what was up ur making me nervous, i call her and tell her that we knew she went to buddy holly's job tonight, and that she needs to stop harassing him. she starts cryin as soon as i say she was harassing him." and im like "holy shit dude" and james dean continues "yea she got really defensive and said she had no idea going into his work all the time with her friends was harassing him? and she said that driving past his house blastin muzak was a coping mechanism from the fight." james dean then starts talkin about how we gotta confront her w/ the shit shes been pulling lately, but im all like "noo man i get rides from her 2 school cant we wait until i get my license pls?" bcuz im a coward. but james dean is like "no man the sooner the better we cant let this keep getting worse" and im like "ogey but pls lmk when ur planning on it" we then hang up because its 3am. i sleep and go home and sleep more
qrd on the bennie chronicles: new years edition
oh yeah james dean and i heard from buddy holly that bennie also talks massive shit about everyone behind their backs. ugh
god i do feel a lil bad clogging up president.html with all this highschool drama, we here on burypink.neocities.org discuss much more riveting topics, such as uh........ aheh..... fuck... well you know what i mean!!! we're too sophisticated for such friviolous drama.
yeah the stupid 17 year old covered in acne scars and blows away when the winds a little too strong wants to be sophisticated. YEAH RIGHT!!!! i am plagued by constant headaches. i am plagued by constant heartaches. i am plagued by knowledge that my dear friend is an asshole.
take me away
once again i really am sorry president.html's been so focused on the bennie chronicles lately, i'll make it up to you all by typing jibberish and talking about random shit soon. wait this is my diary i'll talk about the bennie chronicles as much as i want. no im just playin, it's not healthy to focus all this energy on stupid fights. im just a little upset is all. im right though, i do gotta stop giving it the time of day so much, highschool drama turns your brain into sludge. and it just aint good to do in general, yknow?
oh and uh happy new years or something. i declare with certainty that this year will be a good one!!!!
yeah so the bennie chronicles have been resolved for like, a while now. its all good, bennie n i talked it out, she apologized n shit. we're still good friends; dare i say our friendships been strenghtened. communication, thats like, the message n shit. i dont know who was shit talkin me at the sleepover, it couldve been james dean. who gives a shit. i dont well i actually kinda do but im pulling an ange and keeping the catbox closed for my own sanity. my golden truth? it was hitler who was talkin shit
NO i am not talking about medic tf2 when i say im in love; NO im not talking about adrock beastieboys; NO im not talking about hong meiling touhouproject6embodimentofscarletdevil
imm talking about my booyyyyfriendddddd :^)))))))))))))) hes a cute!! A CUTE!!!!!!!!! we even h*ld h*nds!!! (>/////<)
hes nice n i like him :^)
names i would name my daughter if i had a daughter
names i would name my son if i had a son
i like the old people names
favorite pokemon in no order except for dragonite because dragonite is my #1 favorite
least favorite pokemon
pokemon i think are cool but have no emotional attatchment to
HES GOT ME ROMANTICALLY SIGHING!!!!!!!!!!
HES GOT ME STARSTRUCK!!!! SHORT-CIRCUITING!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY ASTONISHED!!! POSITIVELY CONFOUNDED!!! UNQUESTIONABLY BEWILDERED!!!!!! UNEQUIVOCALLY STUPEFIED!!!!
tfw ywn be an ancient chinese noblewoman walking through her estate's gardens while wearing the finest hanfu
why even live
i know i had more to write on here.......
WHO will believe you WHO will believe you LET YOUR MOTHER PRAAAYYYYY
HOWDOIFEEL WHATDOISAY IN THE END IT ALL GOES AWAY HOWDOIFEEL WHATDOISAY IN THE END IT ALL GOES AWAY HOWDOIFEEL WHATDOISAY IN THE END IT ALL GOES AWAY HOWDOIFEEL WHATDOISAY IN THE END IT ALL GOES AWAY
im not going insane on here i just feel like writing right now
i cant into sequences and series
here is a cool trick if u r in calc 2 (clack two) right now. if u feel liek ur a loser and youre the only one who doesnt know shit and everyone else is super smart.... the other ppl are just as lost as you. if they werent lost, they would be dual enrolled in calc 3 (clack three) at the community college
here is another cool clack trick. draw ballerinas on your paper when you need a break
i know sequences is literally just counting up but AARRGHH i get filtered so hard!! but there is still plenty of time to learn, i just dont understand it yet!!! but i will!!!
tomorrow is the best day of the week because i have politics club after school. where we choose a topic and just talk about it. i love just talking about stuff. oftentimes we choose a topic and get very side-tracked by the end. but my boooyyyfriiennnddd is in politics club <33333
our politics club is very leftist, as in, 2 of like, 6 regular members being communists is pretty leftist. im not naming names but one of them is me. inb4 edgy teenage communist doesnt know shit about irl. yeah yeah i already hear that spiel from my teachers born in the 60s. ANYWAYYY so last meeting we had a pretty conservative kid show up, and i was real excited because it'd be fun to get some fresh conversation in the club. we talked about capitalism. it was a very good meeting, we had lots of good discussion. so after our meeting was over and we had to leave the school, the six of us continued our conversation in the hallways and in the lobby as we waited for our rides to pick us up. soon it was just 3 of us left, talking about i dont even remember what. RIGHT we were discussing uhhh social darwinism. my boy and i were sayin "yeah it aint good", we were talkin about how social darwinism causes groups of people to be cast out because ppl suddenly decide they arent "fit" enough for whatever reason. the other guy was defending social darwinism, saying that if people arent going to contribute to society then why should we support them; i have my own issues with that statement but thats not what im talkin about rn. ANYWAY so my boy was sayin "yeah uhh thats how like, germans cast out jewish ppl during ww2" (im paraphrasing a lot) and this other guy...... this other guy.... you know what this other guy said???? he was like "yeah and you know thats bad, we all agree its bad... but the nazis did almost win ww2"
mask off moment
i have listened to too much music; my taste has done a 180. i became too much of a snob and now all i can stomach listening to is noise and traditional chinese music
it's time for a reset in my taste
everything else is boring except for harsh noise and traditional chinese
i did some crazy skin picking today in fromnt of the mirror and as i was doing it i was thinking about going crazy on here and all that, but then i took a shower and got to scrub all the floors in hyrule get nice n clean and i used a fresh washcloth and fresh towels and i feel much better now :^)
man i love feeling nice n cleen and having it be all nice n quiet, life is happy and nice
tw for skin picking in the next paragraph
and to think only an hour ago i wanted to get all angsty about skin picking!! of course, it is an unhealthy obsession that keeps me ensnared like plastic rings around the neck of a sea turtle; i am miserable when i spend half an hour scanning and scanning over my skin, and yet when there is "no skin left to pick", i do not feel relieved that the session is over!!
but that's not what i'm here to talk about, i'm here to talk about how the simple act of taking a shower and scrubbing my skin to rid myself of real or imaginary schmutz is such a delight. i feel nice n cleen, and i am warm and comfy in bed, and i used fresh towels, and on sunday i have a ddaaaaaaaaattttttteeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!
tomorrow i am working, i am low on cash. i havent worked there since august i think. im surprised i could get a shift because no one buys fireworks in february, but my friend did say that chinese new year gets people coming in, which is cool.
god. china is so fucking cool. imagine having people live in this one area and sharing a common culture for a bijilion years. thats fuckin insane man. chinaboo? no, i just think china is really cool. tankie? no, china's just a cool place.
i havent even gone to college yet but im thinking of changing my major to electrical engineering. i know nothing of electricity but i think its cool and i want to be like nikola tesla. maybe also computer science. i like computers. i dont really know how to code (html isnt really coding), but im not going for programming! no i'd likely have to learn if i wanted to do computer science, but thats okay i'm always willing to learn
inside my brain there are two sides divided by a wall: one side is a man smoking a hookah pipe, and the other side is a bunch of filing cabinets filled with pictures of fumos and other dolls.
this really is nice i should go to bed soon though because im tired. i imagine my fumos all sleep in one long bed and say goodnight to each other. aaaaaahhhhh
the trains leavign to snoozetown!!!!
I AM RAPIDLY APPROACHING ESCAPE VELOCITY
alright time for my scheduled dismay
hi guys im clam hanson; high school is soooooo hard rite guize??? i cant do series to save my lyfe >_< i LOOOVE when i pick skin!!! i LOOOVE my acne scars!!! waaaaahhhh i stutter a lot and i speak like shit ;_; ;_; ;_; UWAAAHHHHHHHH NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!!!!!!!! OUUUUUWAHHH I WISH I COULD BE LEFT ALONE; I WISH I HAD BETTER FRIENDS; I WISH PEOPLE ARE NICE TO ME; I WISH MY FRIENDS AND I ARE FRIENDS FOREVER OUWAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WISH PEOPLE DIDNT FORGET I EXIST! BUT I WISH I COULD BE LEFT ALONE!! I MAKE A FOOL OF MYSELF EVERYTIME I SPEAK!!!!!! ouuuuuuughhhhhhhhhhhh i wish i had better friends i wish my friends and i are friends forever ouuughhh i wish people invited me to things i wish people left me alone ouuuuuuughhhhhhhhh i hope people think im cool, i spend all my time trying to look cool, i want to be cool, i AM cool, oooouuuuuuuughhhhhhhhhh i wish my friends didnt thnk im a lunatic!!!!!!! i wish my friends didnt thnk im a fuckig LOSER!!!!!! wowwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeee guys im so inlove it aint even funny!!!!!!!!! romantic sighing all day all night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aawhawhgahwghagwhaghwg hes so kyuuuuteeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! eeeeeeeeeeeghihgihieuhihdihiuehu his eyes are so prettyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW THE BEASTIE BOYS ARE SO COOL I WISH NEW YORK WAS A REAL PLACE!!!!!!!!! without love etc etc etc, you cant be held back by common sense etc etc I LOVE TOUHOU!!!!!!!!!! TOUHOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVEEEEEEE TOUHOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE MONEY I HATE CRYPTO I HATE INVESTORS I HATE CAPITAL I HATE FINANCES I HATE STOCKS I HATE PURDUE PHARMACEUTICALS I HATE THE SACKLER FAMILY I HATE POLITICIANS I HATE LOBBYISTS I HATE THE COLLEGE BOARD!!!!!!!!!
yeah thats a pretty accurate summation of president.html LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!
i really aint feelin all emo like that right now, i just thought it'd be funny to poke fun at myself for a bit hehe!! its a little fun to do that from time to time, keeps you grounded!! BUT NOT TOO OFTEN!!! because then you get into the misery. i havent felt long-term unbearable misery for some time now, im just writing all my random complaints in an exaggerated manner to help empty out my brain!!! keeps the brain nice and clean, with plenty of room for thinking about kitty cats and fumofumos and beary pink and a certain cute boy and my friends on NEOCITIES DOT ORGANIZATION!!!!!!!!!!
today i woke up and had a bowl of cereal and then a blood orange for breffast, i usually have just cereal but i always get hungry before lunch so i also had a orange. then for lunch i packed three (3) blood oranges and nothing else, i had them. then at the end of the day i was fucking ravenous. my friend was also ravenous so we went to target for errands but we also bought some pringles bcuz i like pringles and i was so goddamn hungry i ate the whole can and now i feel real sick. oranges and pringles, feast for a king.
i havent been eating a lot lately i just havent felt like eatin, so ive been real tired and exhausted lately. gotta have healthy food for nutrients so you can grow big and strong like aniki!!!! i am weak and frail and i can be snapped in half like a twig, my hands are perpetually cold. i feel so sick rn, eatin all tohse godamn oranges and pringled..........
i wish i was a vampire so goddamn much
i wish i never had to cut my fingernails and that they were always nice and short. i hate cutting my nails, i hate having my nails long. it feels so ehehuhjgknknkg. i like the feeling when my fingernails just got cut
trigger warning for skin picking and whatnot
today i spent some time in front of the mirror pickin at my skin and god at this poiint idk if i even have acne or if the spots on my face are just from me picking so often. nah i still def have acne, but wawwahwjjjhflkdfgmskefsojfb. mghjgmhkjgkhmgjjmhllhgmmgllkhjjhlgljlhmglmgkhm. that is how i feel when i pick my skin
i was really goin at it today, really digging my nails into my skin. lots of blood of course, but eh god gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers. really getting into that mfing dermis. really feelin the blood o h yeah.
tw for putrid insect stuff. eugh
looking at pictures of gangrene and finding out about maggot therapy, i think i will never pick my skin again. such a deterrent!! i am very scared of maggots and flies. well, i can handle flies, they make me tweak out a little, but maggots make me want to gouge my eyes out. im going to stop talking now, im getting the heeby jeebies
i need to think about kitty cat meowmeows and fumofumos and beary pink and pretty flowers and the original satoko hojo sprite where she's just smiling happy and her hamfists are up and its really funny.
the bset billy joel song evr is scenecs from an italian restaurant. bottle of reddddd botte of whiteee whateverKINDOFMOOD youre iiiiiin tonighttttt
MY HADNS ARE SO GODDMAN DRY BUT THE LOTION I HAVE SUCKS MASSIVE MAJOR ASS!!!!
IT DOESNT DO SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i cant believe i have to work tomorrorw. this is a cruel world. but i make money and money can buy tickets to the super mario movie starring crisp rat when it comes out (yeah its never gonna come out if crisp rat is working on it LOLOLOLOL)
heeby jeebies lol
penis the casbah
i love kitty cats so goddamn much, guys
who here also loves kitty cats so goddamn much
the way they go meowmeowmeow and then you can slap em on their tummy and youll stop and then theyll meowmeowmeow so you gotta keep slappin their tummy. and the way you can scritch scritch their chin and cheeks. when the kitty cats are best friends forever and they are also gay cats so youll see em groomin eachother and kneading each other n purrin n shit and you think "yeah those mfers are gay" and the way you can turn their ears inside out to annoy them. you can hold their tail and pretend its a whammy bar lol and theyll just look at you annoyed. you can hold them in ur arms and hold them nice and hold them liek a babby and give them kisses on their forehead and if theyre being a good meowmeow (they always are) you give them a little piece of meat........ but not too much too often. some meats like ham are too salty for kitties. you can come home and see em snoozin on ur bed so you give them a little kiss on their forehead and they make a funny chirpy noise bcuz theyre still asleep lol. you can take them outside in the backyard with a leash and watch them wiggle around in the dirt and the gravel. they fuckin love wiggling in gravel or dirt or concrete. and in the morning they lay in the sun rays and get all toasty. and you can throw a plastic milk cap to them and theyll go crazy bcuz they fuckig love playing with those milk caps until they knock it under the tv and get all sad and meow sadly and paw under the tv until you get the meter stick and fish it out for them and then you throw it somewhere and they go zoomin to go play with it some more. and then sometimes theyll be the worlds saddest cat and loudly meow "ooh woe is me woe is me!!" until you pick them up and scritch scritch their chin and give them kisses and bring them to their cat husband so they can snooze together. i love kitty cats so goddamn much. meowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeow ahhh kittiesss
ROW ROW FIGHT DA POWA
DO THE IMPOSSILE SEE THE INVISIBLE
ROW ROW FIGHT DA POWA
ROW ROW FIGHT DA POWA
WHAT U WANNA DO IS WHAT U WANA DO IS BREAK DA RULE AND YOU SEE DA TRUTH
ROW ROW FIHGT DA POWER
ROW ROW FIGHT DA POWA
ROW ROW FIGHT DA POWA
ROW ROW FIGHT DA POWA
ROW ROW FIGHT DA POWA
ROW ROW FIGHT DA POWA
the new pokeman starters look gooooofyyyy. the duck pisses me off
i like the meowmeow though, i thought it was hella garish at first
uwah i dont like the ppl i sit with at lunch. but it cant be helped. i sit with two (2) of my friends and i barely even talk :/ the rest of the people i sit with are choir kids bcuz my friend is in choir. so i just sit with her and her choir friends. i dont like them, i dont like choir kids, they are kind of drama addicted. inb4 hypocrite. YES the bennie chronichles were a shameful chapter of this website, but theyre over now. and everything is good now. but the choir kids are always... urgh. idk
theyre the kind of people who treat mental illness like theyre collecting pokemon cards. like yeah i mean i guess ppl cope in their own ways.... but sometimes those ways are fucking ANNOYING holy shit
i should really learn to code one of these days. but the thing is i wouldnt know what to make, i mean im satisfied with this website. but i also want to learn more cool computer tricks. i tried learning danmakufu bcuz i wanted to make an umineko danmaku but i just kinda fell off. i want to make something fun with cool computer skills. how did i learn html? i wanted a website so i looked up a wikihow tutorial and made one. ugh. i should learn to code
if i play my cards right i'll be doing computer shit in uni. idk though. maybe ill change my major from mathematics to computers
row row fight da powa
someone let off a stink bomb yesterday after school, we were standing in the lobby or whatever then we heard a bang and i thought "shit im gonna recieve thoughts and prayers" but nothing bad seemed to be happening then there was a rank ass smell so we all left
im writing in here a lot not because i want to rope myself but because i feel liek writing and becaue i dont have the motivation to continue what im currently writing. its gonna be real good. it aint done yet
verily i shall upload it posthaste when i have completed the work
i love the act of typing. when youre typing real fast, nice
i love the act of writing with a pencil. just the action of moving the pencil across the page. its nice
god there aint anything to do
i got some frags but i was kinda shit :/ i dont feel like playin touhou, i dont feel like wait hold on actually nevermind. i could get my bike down but its too dark out right now. i dont feel like doing taylor series. its too early to take a shower. /**/ is boring. t*mblr is boring. im on neocities right now. its too early to go to bed. i dont feel like drawing. what would i draw anyway? the same anime girls i always draw? i dont feel like playing any records. there is nothing interesting to read. i hate reading articles online. i hate paywalls. i hate the nytimes. i could work on my cool minecraft wizard tower but i dont feel like it. i dont feel like doing sewing.
actually i just found out there was a bob the builder crocodile rock episode thats pretty funny actually.
guess its time to talk about things i dont like :/
songs i dont like
ugh if i think of any more ill write them down
songs i unironically enjoy
oh thank god i can take a shower now. but then what after that?
triger warning for weight talk
i am sososososososososasosoososososo tired because i havent had an appetite in awhile so i havent been eating and im always so hungry and tired and i take a lot of naps and im sosososososo tired adn i need to eat food but i just have no desire to eat i willl look around the house for snacks or something to eat so that im not hungry and tired and fatigued but i just dont feel like it. i just have no appetite anymore and i hate it becuase i neeed to eat i need energy i hat ebeing tired all the time im so sick of this please god i just wanna eat some really good shit that gives me NRG and keeps me full because im so tired im so hungry dear god i weighd myself the other day i was 20 pounds underweight please god im so tired i just want something to eat that gives me energy but i look around the house and therse food to eat but i just dont fukcing feel like eating but i want to but i just dont have an appetite for anything im so tired please god just give me my appeptite back i want to eat somethin sososososososo bad but when i go downstairs in2 the kitchen i dnt want to eat anythng eeeeee i want to eat sometgni iam so tired all the time ive taken naps every day i cant do this anymore im so tired please god i just need to eat somethinnnnnnnnnnngggggggggG!!!!!!!!!!!!! 20 pounds underweight dear god i just need energy i dont want to be a frail little gril i want to have nrg ohhhhh goddddddddddd
god dont you fuckng love it when ur buddies make plans in front of you and she says "omg ... and ... we should totally do that" like you arent right fucking there. like what am i?? llove it when your buddies make plans in front of you for things you aint invited to.
god ugh these guys piss me off sometimes
i say "these guys" but you an i both know its just one person. ugh i know i described it like this before but its like a bunch of little paper cuts
god i dont know what her deal is
and ive literally talked with her before, we were both like "omg dont u hate it when ur friends make plans right in front of you that you aint invited to?" and we were agreeing like "omg yea thats such an asshole move" but ugh whatever
the other day i was riding my bike because its nice enough to ride my bike around now and i had TWO (2) people i know call out to me and say hi. god whats wrong with me. i stopped and talked with one of them for a sec bcuz they were pullin out of a driveway with more ppl i knew, it was nice tbh. i didnt talk with the other because they were yellin at me from a moving car
today im in a mood i guess, so im gonna talk about ppl i dont like at my school
okay im less angry now
GOD i cant fucking stand being here!!!!!! god im just thinking about a lot of things my friend s do and god its just a bunch of little paper cuts!!!!!!!!!
god the people at school piss me off. i love it when youre in the hallway and some jerkoff just suddenly yells as loud as his vape-encrusted 15 year old lugs possibly can "MY FRIEND ... LIKES MEN!!!! MY FRIEND ... IS GAY!!!!" like shut up shut up shut up you are not funny you are not edgy youre not cool youre fucking annoying youre never gonna be the next filthy frank or idubbbz literally go crunch glass.
also when people scream in the hallway for no reason other than to be shocking and funny!!! go chew glass and chase it down with some drano
god i know i sound like a stupid angsty 17 year old.... because i am. im just angry at everything today!!!!! but thats what private diaries are for. take it easy till you can get home and be angry in a safe place. no use being angry and taking it out on people, its not good for the soul. but i know tomorrow will be better, the new episode of dress up darling comes out, it'll be a new day and i'll go ride my bike if it aint raining
one last thing, i know my intro web design class aint really teaching me anything new, but it does fix some of my bad habits
i just ended the body and html tag on this page!!
i dont really get frustrated or mad at touhou games, but boy is misumaru giving me a hard time. literally fuck misumaru, and not in the doujin way either. shes fucking bullshit i swaer to god shes the leas fun 2hu boss ever, her shitty yinyang orb hitboxes are fucking enormous so u think "oh i can squeeze thrugh this gap" and then you cant because the bullet hitboxes are like, the size of hte sprite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCK MISUMARU WHY IS SHE SO HARDDDDD
UM is kinda fucking hard like goddamn
misumarus theme aint even that good, i was grinding her 2day in spell practie and her theme is so repetitive...... FUCK MISUMARU
i found a dead fish in a pond the other day and i grabbed it thinking it was plastic, so i grabbed it and i was tthinking "why is this plastic so heavy" then i realized and i yelped... i touched it with my bare hands!! it wasnt a tiny fish either it was a good sized fish
ive been working on kyle and trevor part 2 lately but im not sure what the plot would be. i was thinking about "kyle and trevor summon a demon" but thats jumping the shark. these guys arent supposed to be totally stupid. idk. writers cock, i mean cock i mean cock i mean block. writers co- writers block.
i would like to play mamorukun curse but even though its shmup its not like, danmaku or whatever. sometimes i play shitty flash shmups but theyre boring. i just cant get into normal shmups. i like the danmaku. inb4 what other bullet hells do u know besides touhou. uhh hold on i like blue wish resurrection thats pretty fun. but even then, thers smth about 2hu thats just... ahhh.... touhu ^_^
i mean i could be here all day talking about why i like 2hu............. i love touhou a normal amount. a normal amount
hhghhghhrrhrhhghgh...... hghghrrrrrrrrrgghhghghh........ HGHHRHHHGHHHHRHGRHGHHGRHGRH I LOVE TOUHOU A NORMAL AMOUNT HHRHRHHGHGHGHHGHH OHHH FCUUUCKKKK TOUHOU TOUHOU TOUHOUTU OUTHOTUOHUOTUHO UOTUHOUTOHUTOHUTOHUOTUHTOUHOUTOUHOUTOUHOU OHHHHHH FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK REIMUUUUUUUUU MARISAAAAAAAAAAA OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH REIIIISENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN SAAAAAAAAAKUYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASANNNNNNNNNN SANAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OOOOOOUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK TOUHOU TOUHO TOUHOUTOUHOUOTHOUTOHTOUTOHOTUHUOUOHTUOUTHOHUTOIUHOTUHOTUOGITGOITHRIGJKFKGOIDUHFOIHGDIMFGIYOIDFH HOHOISHRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGHRGHRHGGGGGGGGGGGG I LOVE TOUHOU A NORMAL AMOUNT
OH FUCKKKK I LOVE TOUHOUUUUUUUUUUU CIRNO KANAKP SWAKO REMIMI FLAN YYK YUKAAAAAAAAAAA TOUHOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU OOOOUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUKCING TOUHOUUU OHHH FUCKK TOUHOU I LOVE TOUHOU A NORMAL AMOUNT
HHHRRRRRRRRGHHHGHH HHRGHHRHHHH HHGHHGGGGRHHHH HHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH REISENNNNNNN JUNKO TOUHOOOUUUUUUUUUU CHIMATAAAN~~~ OOOOOOOUUUUUGHHHHHH CHIMATAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~~~~~~~~ CHIMATAAAAAAAAAN~~~ CHIMA CHIIMA CHIMATAN~!!!!!!!!!!!
screaming and crying and frothing at the mouth and gnashing my teeth because i love touhou a normal amount
when i get the time i will redo my anime page, dw i will keep an archive of the old vrsion incae u care about that
my tummy hurts
im watching code geass w my beloved and we got to episode 12 where the girl wih braids and glasses was jrkin off with a table and we just fukin lost it man. u got zero talkin about politics, then it cuts to "AAHH~~ EUPHY-SAMA KYAAA~! AHH EUPHY PLEASE FING- oh hi nunnally" and nunallys like "hi whats going on ^_^" "oh nothing lol *frantically disinfecting the table*" and then u cut back to zero talking about politics
fucking LMAO'D MY ASS OFF DUDE
oh shit i gotta keep working on kyle n trevor i keep forgetting to do that ;_;
i just dont know wwhere to go from here though!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the other day i was in intro web design where i sit next to my best fren and i tricked her into looking up sonic inflation bcuz i was like "hey u drive to school right? gas prices are crazy, huh? its because of this phenomenon called sonic inflation you should look it up its really important to be informed" and so she looked it up and was like "WHATAFUK MAN!!!!!!!!!" and i was fall off my chair because i COULDNT and CANT stop laugh dude it was epix LULZ DUDE!!!!!!!! but the thing is she didnt know it was fetish porn so i told her and then i think she wanted to strangle me but it was for teh lulz XD
i want to lobotomize myself, not for any insane reasons anymore, im content with my existence and the concious thoughts i have now, but i think it would be nice to take my brain out and justs fuckin massage it real nice. like oooouuuuuuugggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh please and then i would run it under cold water and wash it to take out all the dust and dirt and cobwebs and rust from the wrinkles oooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
new anime: "I Was Struck by Lightning After Making a Misogynistic Comment Online and Now I've Been Reincarnated Into a New World Completely Inhabited by Women and I Don't Know What to do Because I Hate Women!", called "sukarufakku" for short. or skullfuck, for EOPs.
it was adapted from a light novel. the protagonist hates women but dies and is reincarnated into a NEW WORLD full of HOT BABES!!! and he has to save the magical fantasy land from something!!! theres like a harem or something
after the first episode airs a gacha is immediately made
skullfuck with generate millions with a gacha, it's the most hypermarketable anime uve ever seen. it will be the holy grail for ironic weeaboos, they'll lick the ground it stands on. theyll say shit like "uohuhohuhuh shes my waifu 4 laifu" and then say the same thing after seeing memes of the next fotm. they wont actually watch the show theyll just see shitty clips of all the horny scenes on youtube and start jerking off to how "dEEp" it is... ironically. will change their hentai pfp to a hentai pfp from skullfuck... but ironically guys im not actually like that i rpomise!!!
why woukd i ever be genuine in my intersts im not a fucking loser i only watch it ironically so im immediately better than you because i dont take anything seriously!!!!!!
the western crowd who watches skullfuck will spout shitty "LOLOL FUMOFUMO EPIC CIRNO FUMO FUNKY" memes until they get bored, then move on to the next popular meme among 15 year olds. listends to pink guy. guys just imagine the most insufferable ironic weeaboo you can imagine and then make them 15 and in high school. thats the demographic for skullfuck
i fucking despise ironic weeaboos.
h ohg god im such a fuckign burnout whatafuk happened why am i like this now.
wait i know the answer 2 that, im like this because there have been spiders in my brain since i was 11
today there was this thing for aacdeminc awards and i was invited so take this with a grain of salt but maybe also not, i dont know. it was the top 10 of the class and then top 10% and then some others with high gpas or whateever and i was in the lowest rank, yknow, where all the burnouts and slackers and underachievers are. and i dont mind. i am a burnout slacker underachiever loser. i know that, i dont mind it. but then i started thinking about radiohead creep... my beloved was in the top 10, he is so smart, and here i am being a burnout. ur so fuckin special... i wish i was special. u r so smart and i am a burnout, u r so special.
im not fucking dumb, yeah? im not fucking stupid, im just a burnout loser, yeah? im just a burnout slacker loser. i could be in the higher ranks but im a burnout who gave up long ago, i could be in the higher ranks if i just.... if i just.... if i just.... if i... a..... app.... applied myself. im not stupid, please dont htink im stupid, i just need to leave high school and then i can learn the tihigs i am passionate about (computers) and then i will be applying myself and i just need to leave high school, im not stupid. im just a burnout. im just burnt out. i could be like them but im not, because im burnout and i have spiders in my brain and i've had spiders in my brain since i was 11 and i could be like them but im not. i dont want my beloved to think im stpud, i know he doesnt think so but i say dumb shit aroud him and i forget things i know and i make a fool of myself around him and i dont want him to think im stpid but i know he doesnt but he is so smart.... ur so fucking special.... i wish i was special.... what hte hell am i doing here.
im just burnt out because i spent many years being dpresesd and wanting to do it, and i dont want to do it anymore but the effects of me losing myself in those years are here and im feeling them....... if there werent spiders in my branin for all those years i would be fine, if i were normal i would be normal.
would i even want to have no spiders in my brain?? i see the normal kids in the top 10% and most most of them, emphasis on the most, not all, not all , not all, most of them have had everything in life handed to them and they win all the awards and have such a normal life and are well adjusted and arent a neurotic freak and i cant fucking stand them because theyre so cliquey and so perfect and im so jealous theyve had such an easy life with no spiders in the brain and never feeling The Dread and never wanting to do it and theyre so well adjusted it sickens me. what is wrong with me whhy am i so jealous of them im so jealous theyre so perfect
i know i shouldnt be sickened by their well adjustedness and i know i shouldnt be jealous but dear god i wish i were them
i fulfill my niche role of "delinquent burnout underachiever slacker loser kid at the back of the class who smokes cigarretes in class and never turns in assignments but still does well on tests and just needs to apply themselves" except i dont smoke because its not good for you
but hes so special.... he floats like a feather in a beautiful world im such a burnout i wis h i was special hes so fuckin special
i wish i was never considered a gifted kid because now i am a burnout and its so much worse than if i were never considered gifted in the first place, dear giod whaen can i get atuism diagnosis
dont put your beloved on a pedestal and dont put yourself underneath him, accept that there are some things he is better at and there are some things you are better at, and help each other fill in the gaps. he is really special and i really like him and i think hes really cool, and sometimes youre a neurotic freak who tweaks out at everything, but thats the hand youve been dealt and you gotta do your best to make the most of it. dont put yourself underneath him because thats ineqality and u just wrote a paper ur really proud of about inequality of power in relationships. you may be incredibly insecure and neurotic and fragile, but u have to be confident in urself and do ur best
hey cocksuckers I'm at skool rn typing on my fone. I am rapidly approaching escape velocity and I wish I were at home
I'm just shooting the shit rn wasting time because I can't stand the ppl I sit with. I am going to kill m..... no. I can't say that anymore. I am going to go insane. No one understands me. My pain is constant and sharp and I do not wish for a better world for anyone.
next hour I have intro web design and if we have to do shit.... hooo boy that one's gonna sting. 🍇. Anyway how about roe v wade huh? Shits kinda fucked up man. I'm pro abortion, I think everyone should be able to get abortions recreationally. If I were president.html I would legalize gay-communist-antifa-woke-gender-crt-vaccine-mask-marijuana-sex abortions to turn the USA into a bunch of estrogen filled basedboys.
my head fucking hhhuuuuurrttrttttttdddsssssssssss
guys i have a new song would u liek to heear it?? heres how it goes
i have holes in my face there are holes in my face i made holes in my face i used my fingernails to put holes in my face there are holes in my face i have holes in my face. not eyes nose mouth holes holes i put there on purpose there are holes in my face. i love having skin picking. i love it when i pick skin i love it i loev it when there are holes in my face i htank god every day for giving me skin picking disease i love it when my face is sbleeding because there are holes in my face
did you like it?
my shoulders hurt like ballz man
jp jp creativity~
i had lots more to write on here but i thoguth eh and now i dont
jp jp only you and me~
i wish people were less loud. i wish we could all quietly discuss the things we like.
if i were in pokemon i would be a random trainer on a random route. my trainer class would be "burnout". my team would be girafarig spinda and torkoal. id just like, bum around n shit. see i would hang around in whatever city is right before victory road in like a shitty corner or whatever. that would be me in pokemon
burnout clam wants to battle i guess
you dont understand i need to tear myself limb from limb and beat myself to death with my own arms. its the natural way of living
I HATE JOE BIDEN I HATE DONALD TRUMP I HATE CNN I HATE FOX NEWS I HATE PARLER I HATE GAB I HATE HUFFINGTON POST I HATE WALLSTREET JOURNAL I HATE BITCHUTE I HATE NEW YORK TIMES I HATE PUTIN I HATE INFLATION I HATE FOSSIL FUELS I HATE GAS I HATE FACEBOOK I HATE TWITTER I HATE TIKTOK I HATE INFLUENCERS I HATE REACTIONARIES I HATE STONETOSS I HATE COWARDLY DEMOCRATS TOO AFRAID TO ROCK THE BOAT SO THEY SAY VAGUELY PROGRESSIVE PHRASES I HATE BATSHIT INSANE QANON REPUBLICANS THAT SAY EVERYTHING THEY DONT LIKE IS A HOAX I HATE NETFLIX I HATE HULU I HATE HBO I HATE AMAZON I HATE STREAMING SERVICES I HATE WIRED.COM I HATE OFFICE JOBS I HATE LINKEDIN I HATE INTERVIEWS I HATE RESUMES I HATE WORK-LIFE BALANCE I HATE NONLIVING WAGES I HATE SWEATSHOPS I HATE SHITTY LAME THINKPIECES I HATE GEORGE BUSH I HATE THE CIA I HATE THE FBI I HATE THE POLICE I HATE THE MILITARY I HATE THE UNITED STATES MILITARY I HATE THE DEFENSE BUDGET I HATE MONITORING PROGRAMS I HATE GREG ABOTT I HATE RON DESANTIS I HATE THE ECONOMY I HATE THE STOCK MARKET I HATE SPECULATING I HATE MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE I HATE CONGRESS I HATE MONEY I HATE CARS I HATE FINANCES I HATE CAPITAL GAIN I HATE FACEBOOK PARENTING GROUPS I HATE ELON MUSK I HATE THE SECOND SPACE RACE I HATE TUMBLR I HATE IRONIC MEMES I HATE IRONIC WEEABOOS I HATE SECONDARIES I HATE BANDWAGONERS I HATE SCALPERS I HATE BOTTING I HATE FILMBROS I HATE TWITCH I HATE LIBERALS I HATE CONSERVATIVES I HATE CENTRISTS I HATE REDDIT I HATE REDDIT MEMES I HATE REDDIT SPEAK I HATE REDDIT GRAMMAR I HATE APPLE I HATE PLANNED OBSOLESENCE I HATE SHITTY CHEAP CLOTHES I HATE ADVERTISING I HATE ADVERTISERS I HATE ADVERTISING COMPANIES I HATE INVESTMENT BANKERS I HATE SHEIN I HATE STUPID 16 YEAR OLDS WHO BUY ALL THEIR SHITTY MICROTREND CLOTHES ON SHEIN I HATE MICROTRENDS I HATE PLASTIC I HATE SURVEILLENCE I HATE BASEDBOYS I HATE WOJAKS I HATE SOIJAKS I HATE PEPE I HATE BUZZWORDS OF THE MONTH I HATE SEETHE I HATE COPE I HATE MALD WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN I HATE FOUR WAY INTERSECTIONS I HATE LITTER I HATE PLASTIC IN THE WATERWAYS I HATE COMMERCIAL CENTERS I HATE PARKING LOTS I HATE ROADS I HATE THE SUPPLY CHAIN I HATE LOBBYISTS I HATE CONTRARIANS I HATE TRUCKS I HATE OVERSIZED PICKUP TRUCKS I HATE THE COLLEGE BOARD I HATE AP CLASSES I HATE PLANNING FOR YOUR FUTURE I HATE DRIVING I HATE SHITTY GROSS BROWN SNOW ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD I HATE THE UNITED STATES' SURVEILLANCE I HATE DISNEY I HATE WARNER I HATE VIACOM I HATE ATNT I HATE COMCAST I HATE FUJOBAIT I HATE GAMERGATE I HATE THE CLINTONS I HATE THE TRUMPS I HATE POLITICAL DYNASTIES I HATE VERIFIED TWITTER I HATE VERIFIED YOUTUBE I HATE THE USA
you dont understand i need to smash a hammer into my skull. its the natural way of living
camera shows the palm of my hand
im so fucked up
today i had work and wtomroorow i have work and the day dfter i have work and i have wrok for five (5) days in a roew this week
the thought of foing this every week fort he next 40 years. i am going to go to gensokyo. not right now. i want to die but i dont want to die. OUAUHGH ELTON JOHN SAVE ME SAVE ME TAKE ME AWAY TAKE ME AWAY OH ELTON JOHN im so tired what ddi i do at work today
how do office workers not go insane how do they continue to do the same thing every day. inb4 money. i hate money i hate money i have america death to america i hate this goddamn country i hate goddamn currency i hate money i hate money i hate money i want to go to gensokyo
dont woryr im okay im going to fight da powa and just exist for the nest five days
i want to stick a knitting needle in my ear and poke my brain arouund and make it so i dont have a song in my head 24/7 i just want silence in my head for once please pelase please et my stick a knitting needle in my head and rearrange my brain i need a lobotomy oh PLLEASEE
anyway i went 2 the libraryt the other day and asked for a book that will chill me to the bone and the librarian gave me "mister b. gone" by clive barker and i read it in 2 days and it was nice but it wasnt very scary it was just demons doing demonic things. i want to read lapvona i think that will chill me to the bone but they didnt have it. i also got the excorsist or however you spell it and i want to read it so that it chills me to the bone i havent seen the movie but i need to be chilled to the bone
ooohh anima effimera~
riposa riposaaa in pace~
idk, creep weirdo who the hell cares anymore. tomorrow im leavin for university and it seems like im gonna be gone for so long but its only 15 weeks until december break so that makes it better
maybe ill reread umineko up there
wtf do you mean im not in high school anymore, wtf the webmaster isnt a highschooler? wtf? she isnt 15? ???????
how m i gonna get frags in college? will i have the time? made a fool of myself yesterday in front of my friends i didnt get ANY frags!!
speaking of frags, the military is the largest polluter in america and exists for corporate interests.
vous me fatiguez, vous m'agacez
anyway guys im in college now uh i talk to people
i hate twitter users what else is new suk my dikc i wish it was easier to block ppl on neocities as in, you just dont fuckiin see them anymore lol
i hate all of you
we shouldve been gatekeeping neocities from the start. gatekeeping is okay sometimes.
uh i had shit to say on here last night but i froget. i had a big post or somthethin planned and by big post i mean uhhhhhhhhh auauauaua.html or whatverthe fuck its called. longposting.
i need to inject elton john music into my arteries oooo yeaaaa
godDAMNIT what was i gonna wrtei about, man yesyterday i was all emo n shit bcuz i missed a few days of medication bcuz i didnt have it w me but uuuuuuuuuhhhhh i m feelin better now
i think it was gonna be a post about miku miku for her birthday but idk
if elotn john ever dies idk what ill do man i migth actually hang mysyllf..... no... i wont.............. im not like that anymore
im recovering man im doin my best and sometimes its hard to fight da powah but man wait. wait im listening ot country mikes greatest hits right now ohhhh holy SHIT its so fuckig good god DAMN!!! actually if adrock or mike d ever dies i might actually NO not really i wouldnt im still recoverin man
there are estrogen bugers at my dining hall so i tried one i can already feel the estrogen coursing through my veins ohh yeahhh im gonna turn into a girl wait hoold on.....
i knew a guy who woudldnt eat anything with soy in it bcuz he genuinely believed it would turn him into a girl, he was also a big crypto guy too, i talked about him before man he was in political action club w. my beloevd an i
yea i was real emo yesterday bcuz i was missing my beloved but i know i will get to h*ld h*nds with him when we return for christtymas, i still get 2 play pokemon showdown w/ him which is always very fun, yesterday he had a clown themed team and there was gliscgor and i was like "man glisgor aint a clown!!!" and he was like "yea but hes gonna clown on you man" and he did!!!!!!!! man thats fucked up
top 10 least favorite mons: gliscor pelliper uhhhh dracovish uhhhhh
those are the ones he always sweeps me with
HEY TIS SEPTERMBER!!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!! FALL!!!!!!!! SHTIS GONNA FALLL AND ITS GONNA BE HALLOWEENE SOON OH FUCK EAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAA FUCKKK YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
oh man i miss his pretty brown eyes and i miss his hands that are the same size as mine and i miss seeing his smug smile when he's winning viddy games and i miss seing his smug smile when he is smug and i miss seeing his nice sweet smile when he is laughing and i miss watchign him put his hair up and i miss watching him fall over and over and over and slip around and i miss seeing him sip from his awter bottle and i miss him doing stuff liek take up all the space on the couch on purpose and i miss poorly playin volleyball with him and i miss talkin politics with him and i miss sayin dumb shit with him and i miss commiting to the bit with him and i miss hearin his heartbeat and i miss holdin him and i miss the emotional rollercoaster that is playin viddys with him and i miss talkin about pokemn wiht him and i miss watching him take care of bnuuy and i miss teasin him and i miss him teasin me oh man oh man oh man oh man oh man oh man oh man oh man oh man oh man ;_; ;_; ;_; but i ujst need to fifhgt the powah and wait until chrissymas break when i can seee him and his pretty brown eyes and hands that are the same size as mine and his smug smile when hes winnning viddy games and his smug smiel when he is smug and his nice sweet smile when he is laughing and him put his hair up and poorly play volleyball with him and talk poltics with him and and nand andnadn nadna ndnandandnandan dnandandnadnandnadnandandnadnandandnadnandandnadnandnandandnanndandnandandandnandandandnadnandandandnadnandandnandandandnadnandandnadnandandnadnandandnandandandnadnandnan!!!!!!!!!!
oh god it looks like daniel must be the clouds in my eyes
i have friends in college can you believe it?!?!
daniel my brother, you are older than me, do you still feel the pain of the scars that wont heal
i need to write shit
what the fuck am i doign here i just showed up here in **** a few weeks ago.
man i miss being 14. no i dont. nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
I'm sorry I'm ph*neposting right now... ;_;
sometimes I'm just doing nothing and I'll just think to myself "I want to die" and it's really weird because I don't actively want to die that much anymore but man....... Why do I still feel this way man? Why do I still wanna die huh??!??!???!?? It makes me so sad ;_; ;_; I'll just be standing and just start thinking "man I think I'm gonna kill myself" but I don't really want to ;_; idk it's weird but I guess I'll just keep taking prescription and fighting the powah
yea man there were a few days where I didn't have my prescription and oh man I forgot what it's like to feel that way all the time ohohoho boy... Aaahhh it's so bad but there's a bit of comfort in it!!!!! I miss just laying down in my bed doing nothing except for thinking and being miserable!!!!!! Oh god it was so comforting!!!!!! Oh god why do I still feel like this??!??!??
sorry for being a filthy phoneposter again. I have no mouth and I must shitpost
I'm so normal I'm so normal I'm so normal I'm so normal oooohhhhhh hhhhhooooooooo oooohhhhhh hhhhhhoooooooo aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah hhhhhhhhhhhhoooooooooooooo
stress induced headache oh nooooooo ;_; ;_; ;_;
oh man im in a new york state of mind right now
oh man im so melancholic, pensive, i am once again pondering, etc. oh im in a new york state of mind
oh man i miss my friends so bad wish i was out at a halloween party with them right now. just like, 7 of us goofin off man. oh god oh shit oh fuck.
ohhhhh im in a new york state of mind
wish i was in new york so bad right now
the one time i went to new york changed me irreversibly.................................................................. oh billy joel save me
man i wanna go home i miss my buddies oh fuck
i wonder if anyone has beeen reading my website long enough to remember when i went to new york, oh god that was so long ago. i want to be 14 again and beinng dumb as shit and uhhhhhhhhhh going to new york with my orchestra OH GOD i miss my orchestra so bad
im in a new york state of mind
o h billy joel you always know waht to say to put me in the melancholic, pensive, woeful, sorrowful, wistful mood
i went out and rode my bike tonight and since i currently live in bumfuck nowhere, i can ride for like 20 minutes outta campus and there'lll be no street lights and itll just be pitch black but you can see the stars real nice. no light pollution or whatever. so iwas out doin that it was hella dark and i stoppde for a sec to look @ stars but then i heard some rustling in the woods right behnd me so i pissed my lederhosen and ran away on my bike. ther couldve been a gougar. or a ghost or goblin! there are cougars here im scared of gougarrs. but itwas a nice bike ride very dark very quiet very pensive
there are lots of mines up here, i think they look like tf2 maps LOLLOOLOLOL i can look outside and theres fucking 2fort irl. one time i biked to an old mine when it was dark but i got too scared of seeing a ghost or goblin or gougar and left
OHHHH SING US A SONG YOURE THE PIANO MAN!!!!!!!
im the pensive guy
i went to the cinema yesterday at 1130 pm and its tomorrow now (10/29/22 221am) and i am still in a new york state of mind.
yes i say shit but i like do more than just say shit right like i have valuable stuff to say right? like yea i shitpost a lot and shit but also im like not just the funnyman yea like i also got other shit i gotta say right? i need a cigarette
i made one (1) bad choice last week, i was hangin with my buddy who smookes and i was like "can i try" so i tried and i didnt like it :/ it made my lungs very itchy and apparently i didnt even look cool doing it, whats the fucking point. i need a cigarette. i dont think ill do it again
im teaching myeslf c programming anguage because i wanted to be acomputer engineer and c is like really intertwined with the hardware n shit, but theyre not teaching me c theyre teaching me java which kind of pisses me off but whatever. so i go to the library and look at one (1) book about c and i read it and i do the exericsez when i have the chance to, because i dont alwasys have my laptop with me when im at the library. but anyway im lik learning and all that yknow. bettering myself or something.
#define and all tht shit yknow
im not that far, i dont know that much yet but i guess ill keep learning or whateerv
im in a new york state of mind ;_;
its been a painfully long 9 weeks. oh god oh shit oh fuck how am i gonna get home for thanksgiving, they have a bus that runs back home but all the seats got filled ;_; if i cant make it home for thangsviging i might hang myself. i miss my friends and my beloved and my kitty cats. well no its not just that, but like also i just wanna go home for a bit yknow. oh jesus christ
my life isa fucking nightmare ;_; no one understands me ;_; ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh take me away~
it feels good to indulge the shitty president.html again, my beloved pillow to cry into. its been a while since ive gone real good into president.html. the new york timeesss, the daily newwsssss......
half of me wants to sleep because thhat is what im good at and i like sleeping, i recreationally sleep; the other half of me wants to go out and wander around and be pensive because i dont want to be asleep yet, like i got more shit to say.
oh fuck yea i DO get myself too worked up over nothing. fuckng emabrrasgin!!!!!
oh fuck i want something idk what it is, man i wanna hold my boy again. i miss him so bad, i got a boy waiting for me back home oh man i miss him so bad sososoosososo bad it aint even funny. oh man. oh man. i wanna hold him again so bad man. so bad man. sosososososo bad man. god is testing me stop testing me.
i have an exam on tuesday oh FUCK no im not too nervous because ive sealed off the part of me that gets nervous over academic matters, for worse. but its on like, double n triple integrals or whatever. whatever. i wish i could be like elton john.
pensive. why am i always like This when not out with people but then when i am out with friends i am like That. I wish i wasnt such a fucking dork all the time oh god the beastie boys were right, it would be nice (if i wasnt so fucking lame)
wowee that travis bickle guy sure is handsome
oh jesus christ im jsut fucking dwelling
thats whag my friend calls it he calls it dwelling
dwell. languish. brood, wither, agonize, suffer, etc
aw jesus all i ever do is sleep i hate sleeping but there aint nothin else to do to kill time. i hate my life
oh elton john i think im going to kill myself, you really do keep me afloat...
nonexistence is the ideal
goodbye norma jean.............................
all the papers had to say was that marilyn was found... in the nude!!!!!
ill be a teenage idol.... just give me a break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im going insane im not doing well and uhhhh i dont know
ill bea a teenage idol
no one knows what tehrye doing, right????????? so thats okay tht i dont know what im doing!!!!! except when other people dont know \what theyre doing they still have the motoivation to do shit and I HAVE NO MOTIVATION TO DO NAYTHING!!!!!!!!!!
i have no goals!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my schedule next semester is fuckig STUPID because i dont know what i want to do so I DONT EVEN KNOW!!!!!!!!!!! oh my god!!!!!!!!!
ill be a teenage idol.... just give me a break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ohhhhhhh i dont know what im doing!!!!! whta am i supposed to do!!!!!! ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh auuuuhhhhhhhhh UOOOHHHH ToT i dont wanna be an engineer okay but then what else do i want to do i dont really want to do theater tech oh my god i dont knwo what i want to do i think im going to (gunshot)
just kidding i cant say that anumore. okay here are thigns iwant to do: sew pretty dresses, wear nice fancy clothes, have nice hair, sew cute dolls, hold my beloved, have fun with my frens, I NEED TO CREATE SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need toCREATE OH FUCK im not meant to be doing academic shit well maybe i was at oe point and maybe i am meant to do that to an extent because i still nejoy learning shit right?!??!?!? but okay but its not my raison d'etre right?!?!??! i need to fuckig make shit there are things in my brain and i need to create theM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but im not gonna have money if i create shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my god i should be an artist but then what am i doing here???
okay then why not just create things in your free time at university?
THAT IS A GOOD IDEA!!!!!!!! except i have no motivation to do any of the shit im supposed to be doing and if i dont do the stuff im supposed to do then they will throw me to the dogs and what would my ma and dad say?!?!?!??!?
i dont want to waste my time here right?? so ideally i would want to take classes about things im interested i actually hold on.
tomorrow i am going to the radio club and so i will ask if there is a major related to telecommunications because i think radios and telephones and computers are interesting (here is the point where i start agonizing again but im not gonna do that). so then if there is i will ACTUALLY LOOK INTO WHAT THAT ENTAILS before switching my major. and then i will fix my chedule and then i will have motivation to do shit because i will be interested in my classes and then i will have free time to oh! create!
right now what im doing for free time is uhhhh fucking uhhhhhhhh wandering around campus and sleeping 25 hours a day. sometimes though i make myself proud and i go to the library and i study basic electromagnetics which is cool because im at the point where my calc knowledge is being useful and im understandign the math very well. why electromagnetics i dont know i wanted to know about it BUT FUCK ITS GOT NOTHIN TO DO WITH ANY OF MY CLASSES!!!!!!!!!!
but i will not freak out about that. i need to take it easy. i take it easy tooooo much!!!!!!!!! i am taking it one day at a time. i am a pathetic wet paper bag of a man. i am a pile of dirty snow on the side of the highway.
hooooooooooooo haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa hoooooooooooooooooo haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ill be a teenage idol
okay ive figured that out now i gotta figure out what do to with how fucking tired i am all the time. im sleeping way too much and i come home from places fucking exhausted for no reason. once again i know for a fact that i dont eat enough because i just dont have much of an appetite ever and i have a small stomach and i know thats definitely got something to do with it but i really dont know how to fix that without getting sick. my tummy will hurt ;_;
im just so fucking tired all the time, except this time its not a metaphorical tired, as in, tired of fucking everything always going on. this time im just fuckign fatigued im so fatigued. i think what would fix me is if i spent a good month in a room with no human contact and some coloring books and some smoked salmon i think that would fix me. maybe what else would fix me is if i won the lottery, i wish i had lots of money so i never had to worry about anything ever again. i hate money so fucking much.
i should go missing.
I think that would help
no one will know if im dead or alive
i would like to eat a thin sheet of plywood
hooooooooooooooooooooooooo haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa hooooooooooooooooooooooooo haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
oh thats rgitght i went to ham radio club yesterday and they were very nice and they gave me a QRD on all the equipment n shit and it was very fun :^)
oh well the year is almost over i think next year will be my year
illl be a teenage idollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
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