ignore this its temporary

fun fact this page is called president because i was gonna use this page to announce my presidential campaign but i realized that joke wasnt funny so now i just use this page to write gagas bandas gagas bandas gagas bandas

so today (7/11/20) i went to a brithday party of a good friend (shameful i know, but we were wearing masks n shit) so anyway i was told the location of the party a few weeks ago (it was at a park) so i drive there and i dont see anyone i know so then i call my buddy and her mom picks up and im like "hi where am i supposed to be" and she says "oh everyones in the backyard" and im like "?????????" so she says "oh whoops lmao we changed the location its at our house now sorry". and it hurt because they just forgot to tell me i guess. everyone else was told about the new location but i guess i was just forgotten or something. whatever. as they say in japan, it cant be helped.

when i was at the party i kept running my mouth like a fucking lunatic about whatever to my buddies. thats all i do irl is just talk about shit ppl dont rlly care about. and then i start stuttering and fucking up my words and things just come out wrong and i wanna cut out my tongue.

very weird because a few entries above im talking about how no one listens to me and i hesitate to say stuff. but then sometimes when im with by buddies ill just talk about absolute garbage and talk real fast about god knows what and i dont think ppl are really listening but whatever. idk why i do that maybe its because i feel like no one lsitens so i just say whatever in the hopes that maybe theyll care about what im talking about, i dont know. oh fuck like at the party i was talking about zenos paradox and how 1/2 + 1/4 + 1/8 .... = 1 like why am i talking about this. but i do think my buddy who i was talking about this to was listening, maybe, idk.

tbh a reason i like this page so much is that i can say shit and its easier to make it make sense. like irl my brains gotta match my mouth and im sayin stuff in real time and i cant go back and change my wording to make myself make more sense, and ill try to do that but then i just end up stuttering and starting my sentences over and hesitating on words and its a mess. but typing i can sorta make some more sense of my words

sometimes ill think about if i just like, never showed up to an invitation to something anymore, and just never went outside (i mean tbh i kinda already never go outside) but like, would ppl notice??? idk, i feel invisible a lot (LMAO how cliche), like i just blend in with the scenery or whatever. all i do is talk about random shit and i sound like ass doing it. but like i said maybe a reason i say all this garbage is because no one listens, BUT THAT DOESNT MAKE ANY SENSE, DOES IT??????????

because i never talk about shit that interests me, when i have a chance to ill just fucking spew words outta my mouth. thats how it works.

i very rarely text my friends.......... i prefer talking irl, which is weird because i just wrote a paragraph on why i prefer writing over speaking. i dont know. maybe its just a preference.

it did feel nice to just write all this out though...........

so a few months ago (february, i think), i was invited to a friend's sweet sixteen. most of my friends were arriving late, so when i arrived there were a lot of ppl i didnt know. anyway, i ended up sitting w/ her cousin and her cousin's friend, and i became frens w/ both pretty kwik. so fast forward a bit and they got a karaoke machine, pretty rad. i sing "girls" by the beastie boys w/ my bud, chill for a bit, sing "summer nights" from grease w/ another bud, and chill for a bit more,when the girl's cousin asks me if i wanna sing "lay all your love on me" by ABBA togethr, and i say OF COURSE!!!!! so we sing it, and like, do really well ya know, and she tells me "you killed it!!" im still thinkin about her... wonder what she's doin now........ sometimes ill think about opium and get really sad. so like, when someone says theyre into history theyre ussually a ww2 kid........ or if not ww2, some sorta war kid. im gonna be honest, war history has been done to death. yea its interesting, and theres a lot of things to look into, but you can only discuss war so much till ya get bored. CHINESE HISTORY, ON THE OTHER HAND..... oh booooooooy is that interesting. thers a billion years of chinese history to read about, and its all very interesting. i rlly like turn of the century revolutionary chinese history (lmao call me a hypocrite but I DONT CARE!!!!!!!!) but tbh theres so much of it that i havent learned everythign about it yet oh i also like anthropology of ancient ppl, like what their cultures were like n stuff like that, specially celtic stuff. egyptian stuff. idk. non-war history is cool, too sometimes ill imagine a world where ronald reagan was never born......... i can dream ;_; i feel like i had a lot of ideas for a quick-write last night but my laptop was already put away and i didnt want to turn on my lamp and blind myself. but now i cant remember what i wanted to say. ther was alot of stuff i wanted to say. thers always a lot of stuff i wanna say but either i dont know how to get the words from my head outta my mouth, or i hesitate to say stuff bcuz NOONE LISTENS!!!!!!!!!!! but as they say in japan, shikataganai!!!!!!! (sorry you probably think im a lunatic, that means "it can't be helped". very useful phrase to know) GOD when im talking irl im just an absolute mess because ill get nervous and mess up my words, or my mind will be thinkin too fast and my mouth will stumble, or all the words will come out wrong and ill sound like a fool......... its like my brain is playin mix and match with my words!!!!!!!!!!