well i mamanged to go a bit without needing to make a new entry in here but after spending all day in bed not doing anything worthwile. well. you know how it is

here i am again wasting my life away.

um i had a fun sprng break i went to illinois to look @ fossils with my beloved and that was really fun but now i am oonce again here. and i will talk about htat more on the homepage later

fuck man i hate everyone online i wish everything was quiet

anyway i got the blues today and idk why but i guess it was time to suffer the blues so here we are. i spent all day in bed like i previously mentioned and i dont have the energy to make food and i dont have the car to get food and i would never stoop so low as to use a delivery app because i am irritating and pretentious.

you see the thing is i cant go on here and slam on my keyboard about how much i hate my life anymore like i did when i was in high school. idk why i just dont got that fire in me anymore. hhhhhhhhhh maybe its because my life is better than it was in high school but im still torn between realizing "my life is better" and "i still hate my life" and there is still inertia from back in the day or something. ugh i dont know man. i dont know. i dont know. whatever.

well we'll see what happens i guess. i dont know. i want to scoop out my consciousness and place it in a much more fulfilled and engaging life and now its 5pm and i have done nothing today even though iw was supposed to dig out my car from the snow and do work for class and idk do some other shit i guess idk man i dont know.

i hate when i am offered food that i am not 100% certain ill enjoy because if i do not enjoy it then i look very rude refusing it so i will eat what i can manage and people will say "oh so you dont like it?" and ill say "im going to kill myself" just kidding. ill say "haha im not very hungry :)" and theyll say "u need to eat more" and i fucking HATEEEEEEE OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG when people talk about my eating habits in front of me

"ahhhh but u said u were hungry do u not want anything im offering?" NO I DONT BUT I DONT WANT TO SAY THATTTTTTTTTTTTTT "omg haha i gueess u were hungry u ate that fast" KILL URSELF OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG "uwu u need to eat more u are toooooooooooo skinny" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IM GONNA HANG MYSELF

SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCK MAN FUCK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

did you know that if you make any comments about someones eating habits you go to hell before you die. did you know that. did you know. did you know. did you know. did you know. did you know.

one day i will go apeshit scorched earth. i hate eating and i hate doing anything"""""""""""""""""

"omg just eat the food for gods sake" FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

"""""""""""""""""""""""""""

i need to get shot like a rabid dog

but despite everything i must remember that there are good things. illinois was very fun and i found cooooooooool fossils B) and i had lots of fun with my beloved we had a tiny motel room and it was cozy and the blankets were toasty and we watched the muppets and then slept and we ate a lot of oranges because oranges are very good

like i said i am torn between "my life is better" and "my life is a nightmare" because there are a lot of things. going on.